Pickin' up chicks at graduation
Pomp and Circumstance, indeed. For all the
young nubility on display at the girls' college graduation ceremony I attended Friday night, you'da thought
I might have scored!. But no. 'Tweren't to be.
There are many, many reasons for this. Mostly due to my disgusting, grotesque, and repulsive physical appearance. And my bad breath, and baldness, and back fat and thick glasses. That, and my advanced age. Oh, and also, my cynical, negative, and altogether shudder-inducing personality.
But other than those minor problems, the way is clear for me to hit on 22 year old blond babes ready to "join the workforce" now that they've "got their sheepskin".
You can't blame an old goat for trying. If you do, I say:
buff my scrotum.
Runaway Bride--wish they all were like that
So you've got this
rigazza bint who decided in advance to
bail on the big ceremony and high-tail it, anonymous like, to Vegas (bad choice, see numerous posts below) and later to a 7-Eleven in New Mexico. Her adventure causes all kinds of problems and heartache and tears and gnashing of teeth, which ironically gave all concerned a preview of what life would've been like for her and her fiancee should they have actually gotten married.
But I digress.
So: the media goes nuts, family is conflicted, etc. etc. It won't surprise you to know that
I take the OPPOSITE view. See, I WISH both the women I married had been equally effed up in the head. Wait, let me restate that (because they are both equally effed up in the head--all women are). No, let's say: how I wish the women I'd married had applied their in-the-head-effedupness to doing what this woman did. In other words--
give me a warning sign that all was going to go to hell, very quickly, and as soon as I said "I do".
Wouldn't that have been great?
It is to dream.
On another note: the
big winner throughout all this is the fiancee,
John Mason. Lucky bastard. He
knows for a fact and
in advance that this...person...he was thinking of marrying is indeed nuts. So now he doesn't have to go through with it! Plus, think of the
pity poontang this guy will get for the next, easy, 6 months. There were women salivating on Fox News as they were being interviewed, "oh, how sad", "oh, poor John", etc., and you
just know that given the chance these babes would give it up for him. A sympathy spread, so to speak.
John boy gets all the benefits with minimal cost. Now, I know some of you are saying,
"but he's heartbroken and hurt and betrayed". Sure. However, given that
those emotions are daily and constant once one is indeed married, I think a little bit of that now is but a small price to pay.
Onya, John! And to those naysayers
I say, as usual: buff my scrotum.
