Commentary on the Bill Of RIghts
The Bill of Rights gives me the fucking horn. You should know them even if you as a shlubbie are not American. Because they are fucking cool. Here we go with the 10 Amendments that all should know...it's slow slogging, but worth it:Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. Nigel says: all this Bible and Koran thumping can buff my scrotum. Yup. And when I'm paying for your belief via taxes, I say: bugger that. So that includes everything from forced abortion payments to atheistic twats, which suck, to prayer in schools, which also sucks.
Amendment II
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. Nigel says: Fuckin' A, B, C, and D. And Sigarms is the company I endorse. Oh, btw: anyone who says this isn't an individual right (which all the others are...) can buff my scrotum.
Amendment III
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law. Nigel says: unless the soldier looks like this at right, whereupon she can quarter herself forthwith, fiftwith, and sixwith in my house. Most particularly, in my bed, with li'l old me, naked as hell, awaiting her attack.Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. Nigel says: this could be the one I love the most. Fuck you, cocksucking search bastards!
Amendment V
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury,
except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation. Nigel says: a little habeus the fuckin corpus action, assholes. Get used to it, Guantanamo dickwads-in-charge (dickwad photo upper left)!Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence. Nigel says: a speedy trial. Yup, yup. Fuck you if you go slowly, which you're only allowed to do when doing Teri Hatcher (gratuitous near-nude photo at right, and btw DAMMIT is she hot or what?).Amendment VII
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.
Amendment VIII 
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. Nigel says: these two are minor and especially don't apply when it comes to me perving on 18 year old pulchritude, which is about all I care about (at left, the first google search result for "18 year old pulchritude". WTF? Doesn't anyone in the goddam world know what "pulchritude" means?
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people. Nigel says: these two say: fuck you, Nancy Pelosi, you good-looking grandmother with big tits. Ain't nothing not in the Constitution enumerated that you can jump on without us getting pissed off. Show us your tits, would you?
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 11:05 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home