Nigel is tobacco free!
I quit smoking Saturday night, and so far, so good. No relapse or problems or even urges. I'll be clear of all of it by tomorrow, and officially will become an ex-smoker at that time!
When you start to smoke, you think it's cool, right? What with the smell and the ashtray breath and huddling in the freezing outdoor smoking areas, what could be cooler? The answer, of course, is Humphrey Bogart, who made everything look cool, including smoking. That is until you find out what it did to him...and even after the cancer took out his entire esophagus, Bogie kept smoking (albeit filtered smokes--before the surgery he was a Chesterfield straights guy).I don't want to die of esophageal cancer. I'd like to die in a somewhat more dignified and meaningful way. I've decided that I want to be smothered to death by: boobs.
Not just any old boobs, either. They've gotta be perky, and bouncy, and attached to someone hot, who preferably has really long legs and looks mui caliente in a Catholic school girl's outfit. Sorta like what's at right, but with darker hair. She could come to my house each Friday night where I'd make her dinner and get to know her better. Twenty weeks or so would go by; by then, she'd be putty in my hands. Putty, I say! And at that point I could talk her into allowing the boob smothering to happen when the time came for me to shuffle off the mortal coil. And she'd agree, because of my natural charm and wit.And also maybe because of that certain thing I can do with my tongue.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 6:00 AM
3 Comments:
I wanna die like that too, but the Catholic school girl would have to have on crotchless fishnet hose. Whatawaytago!
Maybe you and I could pool our money and start a Dr. Kevorkian-like business. We could pass it off as exotic dancing, only when the chick came over to do the table dance, bed dance or whatever; she'd smother the dude - mercifully, of course.
Then we'd have to think of an equitable way to serve female customers. Would it be smothering by beer belly? By hairy, smelly ass? Somehow I think we won't have much of a fairer sex clientele.
It's been a little over three years since I quit smoking. I've been having terrible urges to light up over the last couple of weeks. It's weird. How the fuck can a guy go 3 yrs without smoking and suddenly be dying for one?
Nigel,
Good for you! Congrats! Keep it going pal!
And as for the Catholic School Girl issue...let me give you a little insight wich is sure to offend all your female readers that attended Catholic School...but I dare them to refute me....
You know what? Its true...Catholic School Girls are easy!
Flyin' Fox- I am horrified by your comment!!! Only because the truth hurts, damnit all to hell!!!
Oh, well, extra purgatory time for me, I suppose. :)
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