Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

House cleaning can buff my scrotum

I've been farting around all morning, putting off the inevitable, which is: gotta clean the house.

It was Joan Rivers who famously said: "House cleaning sucks. I mean, you clean the house, and then six months later you've got to do it all over again."

I'm to the point that with all the dust on the coffee table, it's time to just put a fancy urn right there and tell people that granddad, um, sorta spilled out and since it's holy or whatever we can't touch it. And since I work in the funeral home I get them urns wholesale, muthafucka!

Back on point: house cleaning sucks and anyone who's cheerful about it should be shot.

Example: you know who I'd like to turn over to the Taliban? That asswipe with the beard who does the TV ads for cleaning products. His name is Billy Mays and someone needs to put a bullet in his brain but first, let's force him to chug-a-lug a bottle of Oxy Clean and then shave his ugly mug with a very dull, ragged un-stropped razor. Billy, you lying sack o' shit, you can buff my scrotum.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 11:19 AM