Nigel loves Earth Day
"Earth Day" can buff my scrotum.I say: fuck the earth. Here's a song:
Earth! Whoo!!
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing!
(say it again, well)
Earth! Whoo!!
(Good God, Y'all)
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing!
Whaddya think? Could go to number 1!!
From your loving and loyal Nigel, a message to all the plants and beasts of the earth, including (but not limited to) the flora, fauna, fowl, and all the fish of the sea. In particular, I say: fuck the whales. They're useless gigantic tubs of blubber who perform no useful function but to appear in stupid TV ads for Pacific Life breaking wind (breaking waves? breaking glass?). They are completely oblivious to our needs, goddammit. They don't care. Where were the bloody whales during my first divorce? Did I hear from those fat bastards, even once, with a "hey, we're down here sucking fucking plankton, but we're thinking about you?" And I'm supposed to give a hairy rat's ass about these huge pieces of smelly almost-fish? Besides which, the stupid big bastards can't even breathe. Slagheaps. Idiots. I say: fuck 'em.
And cougars and lions and tigers, here's a goddamm message for you, though you don't speak English, you dumb bastards: eat me. Not literally. Figuratively. You all can use your gigantic rough but also in a funny way oh-so-tender tongues to lovingly buff my scrotum. A big old crotch lave is what I crave from you--then, back to your dens and caves. And also your watery deep-sea habitats (that's specifically directed at bloody porpoises and dolphins, you oily heaps of shit--fish oil, I know, it's good for me, but stay away anyway) .
But I digress.
Fuck the trees and the grass and the clouds and the sky. I want more use of toxic chemicals, more nuclear power plants, more hydrocarbons coursing throughout what's left of my decrepit body. I want to be a living science experiment. Chemistry in action.
Up Exxon Mobil! Way to go, Chernobyl! Three Mile Island--the hell with that! I say: Four Mile Island.
I've been drinking. Can you tell? :)
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 3:03 PM
3 Comments:
Better living through Chemistry ay Nigel?
Flyinfox_SATX
We are all science experiments and I'm not even drinking.
Dubya's been saying the same thing for eight years, without drinking! And he ain't been nearly as funny as you!
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