Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

Spring Break and Black Sabbath can buff my scrotum

I got to drive to the airport today--6am on a Saturday, dropping off my mom and her new husband as they hie their way to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. And the drive was through non-stop drenching rain, and the freeway was PACKED.

Everyone's on their way to Florida for Spring Break. They have to get there fast, apparently, because drinking and meaningless sport fucking can't occur until they cross the state line. I went to Spring Break once in Ft. Lauderdale, back in 1975, and it sucked the gigantic labonzo. No fun, no women, no nothing. We drove from Minnesota to Florida with your Nigel stuck in the backseat of a Ford Pinto while being forced to listen to Black Sabbath for 27 hours at top volume (to keep the driver awake, see).

Once we got to Ft. Lauderdale, the condo was nowhere near the goddamm beach, and besides that, any women we met were interested only in Ohio State University football players with oversized equipment. We, on the other hand, were University of Minnesota non-football players with tiny, hollow dicks, sunken chests, and holdover acne problems from high school. We were so cool. At left, what we DIDN'T see at Spring Break, 1975.

This misery lasted for a full week. A fun trip all the way around, particularly the non-stop drive back to Minnesota, which featured 27 hours of top-volume Black Sabbath alternate album cuts.

Ozzy Osbourne can buff my scrotum.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 6:06 PM