Yupper, shlubbies, it's me....
Hello mums and dads,I realize your patience with me is at an end, but I beg your indulgence, shlubbies, as I endeavor to explain away my absence from el-bloggeroo Buff My Scrotum.
In a nutshell, I burned out posting stuff. But now think maybe I can gird my loins, and other body parts, to muster up the vim, vigor, verve, vitality, and vodka needed to make it all happen again. At least, for my personal enjoyment. If you find yourself liking the drivel contained herein, well, that's a lovely side benefit.
What have I learned about myself, your loving Nigel, during my Tiger-Woods style "break from golf" (ok, it's not golf, but yiz gets the picture)? Here now, the top 3 personal observations:
- I fart after sex. Actually, during. After many years of conjugal drought, your Nigel re-discovered the "purpose du penis", and lo and behold have actually used the goddamm
tiny, hollow thing occasionally. And, may I report and to your understandable astonishment, no money changed hands! Yes, shlubbies, Nigel found L-o-o-o-o-v-v-v-v-e. Surprised? Me too. But what I learned, much to my horror and my paramour's amusement, is that I let fly with a complete colonic symphony quite quickly post-coitus. Followed shortly by a visit to the bog, when the release of copious amounts of terrifying intestinal sculpture occurs. Embarrassed? Moi? Well, a little. Just a bit. It beings a whole new meaning to post-sex "afterglow" (in my case, my butthole is glowing. Nice.)... 
Fat gets fatter after fifty. According to news reports, I do have feet. I personally must rely on the BBC for this info, 'cause I can't see the fucking things. With this revelation comes some interesting implications i.e., toe-nail clipping is really HARD when you can't a) cross your legs and lift your feet and b) um, well...see your feet. But, lemons into lemonade, my shlubbies: my toes are now registered with the TSA as lethal weapons, and had I been on that Christmas Day Northwest flight with Nigerian Abdullah bin-Sheeathhead Douchebagaarism, I, moi, Nigel would have been the hero who slashed his ass, as opposed to that bloody Dutch guy who couldn't stop saying the word "shit" when CNN interviewed him about the experience.- I'm newly concerned about world hunger, global warming, homelessness, and other shit. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Got ya!
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 2:08 PM
19 Comments:
I love you sooooo much, Nigel.
Me too you, baby. ;)
AWWWWW...she gets my weird humor...
SEEEEEEE????????
Oh Nigel! and you are amazing in bed!! those fingers! that tongue! that nice hard....well, you know. :)
She's such a dirty girl...boy, do I love her!!! :)
oh yeah baby! i love getting dirty with you, Nigel! I also love how we are sexual AND intellectual. from pants to rants, baby, it's how we rool. :)
**gulp**
Oh Nigel. It's gonna get even hotter in that bed of yours when we add one more hot girl to the mix!!! You'll be **gulping** your brains out!!!
*Double gulp*
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Nigel,
You are a breath of fresh air! Welcome back!
how is SHE
your girl?!?!
did you blow her up?
what does she got that i don't?!?!
also: didn't i ever tell you Rudolph Valentino himself DIED from holding his farts In???
PS
thanx for the STICK to itiveness you got goin on here..i was sad with you Gone
okaybye
I'm Nigel's girl!! :) and I loooove him so much it hurts. :)
good for you,
somebody's gotta Do It!
(lucky girl)
:0]
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