Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

It's Christmas, you scrotum-buffers!

It won't surprise you that I'm not one for public displays of piety, particularly this time of year. You know what I mean: crosses, creches, nativity scenes, lambs and other barnyard animals, assorted bric-a-brac festooned with lights, and all manner of other Biblical action figures brightly spotlit and lined up on the front lawn, arrayed just so--perfect for those driving by who may be in doubt as to the strongly held religious beliefs of the home owner.

'Snot for me.

Despite my gut reaction to such, er......artistic expression......this lump-of-coal-cranky-old-slagheap has some out of character thoughts relative to Christmas 2004.

You want to dandy up your front yard, mobile-home style for the holidays? Under the current circumstances, I say: knock thyself out, for verily, it is good to reinforce that this is indeed Christmas (note, fellow pilgrims: emphasis firmly placed on the C-H-R-I-S-T at the beginning of the word).

There are quite a few examples of anti-Christian activity this year--seems more than usual, and I don't know why. From communities large and small--from Denver Colorado to Maplewood New Jersey and points between--comes the pitter patter of little ACLU lawyers, frothing and raging about the inequity of Christmas displays.

Look--you don't see Christians getting all huffy about wanting to insert themselves into Ramadan or Passover or whatever it is that the Bahais celebrate. And don't even get me started about, Kwanzaa, which is pure pfft, and if you don't like it: ngiyaxolisa (those anxious to exert their African-Americanness can begin by looking that Zulu phrase up).

In sum, then, the message from here is: back off. You guys have your celebrations--we want ours.

And in the spirit of giving, sharing, family, and yes--love--to all I send this heartiest of wishes: buff my scrotum.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 8:08 AM