I hate Halloween
You have to scour the calendar to find a holiday I hate as much as I hate Halloween (true confession: I dislike Christmas a lot, too, and also New Years, and Thanksgiving; they all suck. But not as much as Halloween).This is because of all the goddamm forced and faked "friendship" and frivolity.
I used to work in a place where they required you to dress up for Halloween. Dressing up ranks right down there with karaoke on the gouge-my-eyes out scale of shit I can't stand. But, ya know, what the hey, I'm a team player. So Halloween would roll around, and I'd show up to work wearing a colorful sweater, like the one in the picture. No other kind of costuming; everything else as per the norm. Typical conversation:"Why aren't you dressed up, Nigel?"
"I am."
"As what? You look normal except you're wearing that sweater."
"I'm dressed up as Bill Cosby."
You may remember that Bill Cosby (left), in his 80's mega-TV show, always wore a colorful sweater. So the costume was legit but not obnoxious like that worn by all the other retards I worked with. Exception to the negativity: occasionally a large-breasted long-legged receptionist would show up looking all Victoria's Secret like. This, I liked.
As a rule, my sweater/Cosby explanation would shut 'em up. And you can see I'm not the only one. At right, Australian Prime Minister John Howard and US President George W. Bush wearing Cosby sweaters. Clearly, they hate Halloween too.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 8:48 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home