Doctor says: Nigel's days are numbered!
The Nigel death watch begins! I went to the doctor yesterday and said "Doctor doctor, give me the news, I got a bad case of..." and he stopped me right there. Told me that he was tired of me coming into his office and a) telling him how I, Nigel, was right about my health whereas he, doctor, was wrong; and b) singing my diagnosis a la Robert Palmer "Bad Case of Loving You".Doc has absolutely NO sense of humor.
Anyhow, I'm a mess and he made it clear that if I didn't shape up well then by God I was shipping out. Specifically:
- Too bloody fat. 335 pounds.
- Cholesterol best expressed exponentially. Like, 9 to the 7th power or something like that.
- Blood pressure more like a professional bowling score ("300") over some other high number.
- Warts everywhere
- Skin tags growing everywhere
luscious, and then with all my newly won friends (the people who'll start hanging around me because I'll be good looking and, hence, popular) I'll start enjoying life, including having fun with them. And I'll be at a party at someone's house and they'll say: "let's play charades"! GOODY! And it will be while I'm up there, giving clues, that I'll suffer my long awaited heart attack. It would really suck to have a heart attack while you were playing charades....don't you think?
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 9:22 AM
7 Comments:
I would hold out on the Heart Attack until someone breaks out the Twister Game.
Flyinfox_SATX
Naked Twister heart-attacks rock, dude, etc ¦:¬]
I wish I had a hart attack before reading that post.
Spare me
i would hate to have a heart attack while buffing....
talk about killing the moment
oh yeah and how is it that you got so many hot chicks coming here??!?
i meant commenting not coming....
teee heeeee
:0]
Who knows about the hot chicks commenting? I love it. But if I knew what the hell made them come to comment, I'd maybe still be married? I dunno.
beats choking to death on a chicken bone...
"chiknbn"
B-\
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