Wedding invitations blow dead hippos
What the hell is it with the bloody wedding invitations lately? Here comes yet another one, and goddammit I'm not going. I'm notoriously anti-social, hate going out, and think marriage is pure b.s. -- and I've got a long history documenting my particular loathing for the institution. Here, and here, plus here, here, here, and let's not forget my most recent spew, here. Doesn't someone in the know warn them about me? Apparently not.I think perhaps the reason I get invited is after 13 or 14 champagne cocktails mixed with
Heileman's Old Style, it doesn't take much audience encouragement to get me up on a table where I launch into my Vic Damone imitation, tuxedo tie loosened and askew, pants unzipped, arms akimbo, singing "Cincinnati Dancing Pig" (#11 on the 1950 Billboard Chart for our Vic). There's lil 'ol me, left, in the spotlight.I am the life of the party. Yessir. But I'm still not going to this wedding. No way.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 6:12 AM
7 Comments:
Nigel...just go. Take the opportunity to do and say what you want. Drink down some of that liquid courage and have a party in your own right! I never turn down free alcohol.
Flyinfox_SATX
I, too, have fucking had it with weddings. And excuse me, but I find most of your whining to be wussy. See, all anyone expects you to do is:
1. Show up
2. Get drunk
3. Make a fool of yourself.
But evey woman in the world expects that I have nothing better to do or to spend my money on than their endless parties designed to outfit their houses with kitchen gadgets and china, that I am supposed to be excited as they turn themselves into so much legal chattel for the patriarchy's slaughterhouse and oh yeah, I'm supposed to be fucking excited about it.
BTW, none of them have ever thrown me a party for maintaining my sanity.
I get the whole show up, get drunk, make a fool of yourself thing. It's the all the shit before that I can't stand.
I'm practiced at drunkenness, so no worries there.
Although I do believe that the bullshit around weddings and marriage are one more reason most humans should be thrown to the wolves, I'd put my believes behind me to see that imitation!
did you say you get Old Style there?
"lqwoh"
B-O
------
Is it me/ Or does Doc look like he's about to spew?
Fuck the wedding, just show up for the last hour of the reception, and try to pick up the maid of honor.
Fuck 'em. I hate weddings. Screw you and you're happy little nuptials, that's what I say. Sure I'm bitter, but being an ugly, neurotic shut-in who will probably die alone tends to do that to a guy. Bangin' the maid-of-honor? Right! I can't even bag that fat bridesmaid they all seem to have.
A family member of mine was about to get hitched, fortunately for me the groom checked himself into rehab first, buying me some time before that hellish event.
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