An update
I'm not in a position where I can do anything with images, etc., posting from my PDA while lying with what's left of my head firmly encased up my gigantic arse.I had a stroke, relatively minor, according to the quacks who are working on me; I can still mumble ok and walk and move about. What happened was: I fell to the floor (ironic as hell when you consider my life's motto, "Ego mos imbibo bierra tunc cado ut solum" -- see upper right, just above my ugly picture) and had trouble seeing and talking, so I 911-d myself and the ambulance came eventually and here I am, bed bound and mucho grumpyelo.
Allegedly I will also be able to continue wanking myself silly, which is the only sex life I have. Until then it's up to my lovely nurse. His name is Tim. Yeas, you bastards have got to laugh, they have assigned me a MALE nurse. So instead of getting my John Thomas delicately lifted, laved, and loved by some pretty young F. Nightingale candy striper during my every-other-day bed bath, it gets manhandled (literally) by fucking Tim. Goddamit. I know you're laughing. I would too if I were you.
Charming, n'est ce pas?
I get out of here tomorrow and supposedly can get back to work as early as next week. Plus, according to the doctors, I have to lose 160 pounds. Jenny Craig, you bitch, here I come, and you better have the welcome mat out or you'll be in for the biggest bloody hiding of your life.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 1:52 PM
9 Comments:
"I will drink beer and then fall to the floor". Beautiful, poetic, charming, no?
... maybe not in this case, old Chum.
sorry about the stroke, but very relieved you'll be okay. if this Tim guy isn't gay, tell him YOU ARE, and "Thanks for all the swell handjobs, mate!" that might just send him *packing*, affording the opportunity of having a REAL nurse assigned to wanking -er-um- bathing you.
yup.
now, as for the losing weight part...
well, you CAN do it. hell, if I can, anybody can. I needed to drop about 40 pounds; I've lost about ten so far (in 4 months). I'm not a calorie counter (at least not yet), but I did start paying attention to how much daily fat I take in. the biggest thing helping me is that I stopped eating bacon double cheeseburgers and fries 3 times a week -in fact, I've cut hamburger (and fries) out of my diet, save an occasional taco (when I don't make them myself with ground turkey). I've also cut way back on cheese and butter/margirine-- both of which I used to go through like water. I have also increased my vegetable intake, especially salads (and watch what kind and how much dressing I put on it, 'cause they're LOADED with fat). in fact, I'm playing with inventing my own non-fat or very-low fat dressing (work in progress). I've heard a lot of sugar makes you fat, too, but I don't eat many sweets, so I can't personally comment on that. I don't feel like I'm on a diet; rather, now I just feel like I've gained control over what's been very bad for me-- and getting worse, now that my metabolism is slowing from age.
here's hoping you get on top of it, and soon. I'm sure others will follow with suggestions, too, and I hope we can all help you in any way possible.
anyhow, glad you'll be up and about tomorrow.
you can email me at chip0909@gmail.com if you like.
now, how 'bout some new posts?
yup.
"buffmyscrotum"
B-)
--------
Hey Smeggie, I'll keep including you in my prayers.
I'm with Dr. Chip when it comes to needing to shake off a few poundages. So we'll just have to cheer you on and diet along with you.
Screw Jenny Craig - she'll starve you to death. A modified Atkins may work - no counting calories or serving sizes... just carbs.
You'll miss the bread, pertaters and pasta for a while but it's about the most tolerable diet I've ever tried - that worked.
After about a month you can start adding just a bit of these back in.
Ah, shucks. No beer either - but you can enjoy the carb free tequila, vodka, gin mixed drinks. Schnazz up some diet Mt. Dew or Dr. Peppers.
And if you need cheap, easy and yummy recipes just ask. I got tons of 'em.
Nigel,
Yeah, Dr. Chip said most of what I was thinkin, Margie said another part. So sorry to hear about you having a stroke. As far as the weight thing is concern, just bend Jenny Craig over and bang her a few million times. All that excercise will get ya slim in no time.
Keep posting bro....Keep posting!
Flyinfox_SATX
I’d rather spend the weekend in jail.
What Joe said...
what joe k and pavel chekov
said plus
Muah!
a get well kiss!
Get better soon, dammit.
I'm glad you're feeling a little better Nigel.
Also, you should talk to your doctor because Atkins is pretty hard on the old cardio-vascular system.
South beach is good for it -- and you get to drink sometimes, too.
Also, I'll diet with with you. I'm really getting to be a fat ass.
Glad you're okay. I haven't been on for a few days.
Jeez dude, hadn't seen this before - wtf, stay alive damn you.
Heres to a full recovery and sorry you didn't get the hottie nurse you wanted (this is chronologically out, I read down from the top and just got to this post).
If you explain about Broomhilda - and your obvious empathy towards a much fitter model - with a Latex nurse outfit - then maybe - in light of your current condition - you'll get a real hornpot honey.
If not, try not to strain too much chucking one out.
Live well - or maybe that should be 'well, live.'
Take care you old goat.
f.b.i.t.c.
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