Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

Boston: thumbs up! Denver: sucks the bag

Sox in 4, as predicted.

More importantly, the "World" Series helped illuminate a fact I've known for years, to wit: Denver and surrounds suck the pus oozing hose.

Top 10 Reasons why Denver sucks, not in any particular order:

1. Dirty, ecru landscape. It's all...brown. Plus, mountains make me nervous, and even though Denver's technically not "in the mountains", you can see the goddamm things as you drive in from the airport.
2. The airport itself. It's 97.2 miles from the city. So, pack a lunch.
3. Driving from the airport: what's with the toll road where you pay $2.50 every twenty feet? Fuck that.
4. Air quality worse than Los Angeles. What air there is, that is. A mile above sea level, there's really no air to speak of. Good luck breathing; bring your iron lung.
5. John Elway's teeth. The orange aprons working in Home Depot's outdoor fencing department are big fans.
   
6. The Broncos, and all the other Colorado sports teams.
7. Speaking of Broncos: Mike the rodent Shanahan. There's a coach I hated immediately, the first time I saw him, before he said a single word.
   
8. John Denver. Rocky Mountain high? Kiss my fat ass.
9. Snow, and too bloody much of it.
   
10. Peter Coors, purveyor of eponymously named piss purporting to be beer.

Let me know your thoughts by taking this very scientific poll:

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 5:35 AM