Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

Hunting sucks the flaming pole of manhood

Normally on Sunday mornings I'm perving Betty Nguyen on CNN, but for some reason yesterday I hit the wrong remote button and ended up on the outdoors hunting channel. I watched for about 10 minutes before snapping off the tube and going to the powder room to throw up.

I think hunting is for assholes. Total, complete, lesion filled bleeding anal wart piles extruding assholes.

Let me set the stage for you. First, this episode was filmed as the rut was beginning for deer. Time to mate. And on this "show", two mental defectives carrying muzzle loaders are clambering over hill and dale somewhere south of Batfart, Wyoming, in search of male deer--bucks--to summarily execute. After much pretending to be hit men bullshit (whispering to each other about being downwind, setting up the prone shooting stance, etc), the shit stains murdered a poor buck who was just getting ready to fuck. That's no way to go, don't you agree?

Here's the kicker--they're wearing cammo (oooooh, cool) but on top of the cammo they've got on bright orange vests. Think about that for a second. They spend a bajillion dollars at the local Hunt You Runt store, picking up the latest faux military fashions so as to blend in with the Wyoming landscape--then, spoil the whole effect by slapping on the bright orange "attention other mental defectives: we're hunters, not deer--don't shoot!" safety vests.

Douche Nozzles. Case closed.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 11:14 AM