Monday, July 28, 2008

My beautiful home

I'm reconsidering everything in the light of yesterday's activity.

That's when I did: nothing. Didn't leave the house, didn't go out, didn't drink alcohol (except that one quicker picker upper, about 8:30am, just to get the day started, dontcha know).

I read books and watched movies and NASCAR and listened to podcasts. Did you know that you can water plants with urine, so long as the urine is fresh? I didn't know that, until I put my ears on this little RSS gem I found in iTunes; it's a podcast from some guy in Omaha who has a complete amazing radio show that tells you alternate things you can do with bodily fluids. I listened, slack-jawed at first at the audacity, but then as the minutes flew by my admiration for this guy grew and grew. Who knew such desiderata was available with just a point and click?

Anyhow, I discovered all kinds of things about my house during my solo day.
  1. I better start cleaning my swimming pool. Right now, it looks like a pond, a very very green pond. The frogs are happy, I can tell you.
  2. Cockroaches, man, those things are amazing aren't they? Do they have eyes in the back of their head? How can they tell you're chasing them?
  3. Coffee, when left sitting in the Sunbeam for more than two weeks or so, will indeed develop....penicillin.
  4. Are cobwebs just dust, or do they actually involve spiders, and if so, there are a lot of them in my dining room, and what to do about them? Time to call the exterminator?
  5. Finally, and much to my dismay, bathrooms just don't clean themselves, despite weeks and weeks of wishing and hoping on my part.
My place is such a pigsty right now, if I called a cleaning company, I'd have to clean up first at least for five or six hours just to avoid the embarrassment. To say nothing of the inevitable triple time overtime charges.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 8:52 AM

6 Comments:

At 11:24 AM, Blogger Karen said...

Best. Blog. Name. EVER !

thank you...I've had a miserable run lately, but I laughed my ass off when I clicked on you from Werther's blog.

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger Constance said...

OH MY YES, i'D RECOMMEND A BI-WEEKLY CLEANING LADY. FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE !!!

 
At 5:16 PM, Blogger La Sirena said...

Pay one of those specialty cleaning services who do crime scenes and whatnot to come in and straighten it out -- then you won't have to be embarrassed.

Or just move. That's what I sometimes do.

 
At 6:13 AM, Blogger Carlos said...

Or you could move in with a bi cleaning lady. ;-)

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger Infantry Dad said...

two boxes of clear wrap?
Is that two boxes of clear wrap?
Cause I hate clear wrap.
that shit never tears where you want it to.
And what the hell is the service bell for?
Yeah that one right infront of the two cans of carnation canned milk.

 
At 8:09 PM, Blogger Infantry Dad said...

You'll have to excuse me.
I just linked over to Aoide and read three posts.
I think I'll go kill myself!
In fact, if you don't hear from me for a couple of weeks, that's probably exactly what I've done.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home