Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

Oy, gevalt!

I see where NY Yankee A-Rod's wife, Cynthia, has had enough of A-Rod's roving rod, and is filing for divorce; his alleged affair with Madonna being the last straw, according to reports. Cynthia, who undoubtedly married A-Rod 'cause of his personality and charm (and not because of his $9 million per at bat salary), claims she became extra suspicious when Rodriguez began showing an interest in the ancient Jewish mysticism known as Kabbalah, which is Madonna's passion.

Kabbalah? The hell with that. My great grandmother on my mother's side of the family (about whom a best-selling book was written: "The Family Frying Pan" -- no kidding, paperback cover shot at left) practiced the ancient Jewish mysticism known as "Bubbelah". Consisting mostly of screaming at the top of her lungs if you even attempted to enter the kitchen while she was cooking, force-feeding us kids gefilte fish while swatting our heads with old rolled up copies of the Jewish Forward, answering questions with questions, and in moments of doubt looking to the sky and in her Russian accent cursing in Yiddish...things like: to her daughter, my grandmother-- "May your liver come out of your nostrils piece by piece", to the mailman (in Australia, known as a "postie") whenever he was late with the day's letters--"What, you thinking you a good postie, you? May you fall into the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians is finishing a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer", and to us kids--"If I had testicles I would be your great-grandfather!"

That last one never made sense; we couldn't figure out if she was mad at us or at him. But bubbelah beats the shit out of Kabbalah any day in my book.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 7:21 AM