Friday, July 25, 2008

Ode to Verizon

I'm about ready to make my hand-held device a foot-kicked device.

Why? Because the bloody thing has a mind of its own. Yesterday afternoon, for absolutely no reason and just minutes after I'd successfully sent emails from it, it decided "stiff shit, bucko" and ceased allowing emails to be processed. No downloads, no sending. I tried all the techno wizardry I know, like tapping on it, randomly pressing keys, and even talking to it ("c'mon, little Verizon XV-6700, this is your buddy Nigel, begging you to start working again....puhleeeeeze?").

No luck.

So this morning I call Verizon and spoke to Laquakeelinisha, who was very helpful. Sort of. We made all kinds of adjustments; then came the questions I can't answer:
  • What's your email protocol? Fuck if I know.
  • Do you use SMTP for SMS or Exchange for MMS? Fuck if I know. WTF, A-OK, ASAP.
  • Have you performed a soft reboot? No, but I once performed as the Stage Manager in "Our Town".
  • Would you like to do a hard reboot? Sure, please, I want to lose ALL my data, contacts, emails, dirty text messages from previous love interests...sounds great, by all means.
So now I'm without communication capability for remote work. Charming. Laquakeelinisha promised to call back, but I'm not holding my flaming breath.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 10:20 AM

2 Comments:

At 8:08 PM, Blogger Constance said...

Auughhhhh !!! Technology sucks. I think we ought to go back to driving the horse and buggy to people when we want to talk to them. Seriously.

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger Infantry Dad said...

Did you try bouncing it off the wall?
I threw my cellphone out the car window once, hoping to never see the intrusive, agravating little bastard again.

A young kid brought it back directly to my door two days later.

I never asked his name, just gave in a saw buck, and vowed to hate him for as long as I live.

 

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