3 way mouth to mouth from Nigel
So I'm rethinking my resignation from el blog du Nigel, because new stuff has happened, and I'm wanting to share. Aren't I nice?I have begun volunteer work with those who may be described as "differently abled"--note the PC nature of the description, which yields points for lil' ol' moi, I know, especially from you liberal fucks who read this drivel and spew. Yay for Obama, btw, and here's to communism for all of us, and not soon enough if he has his way. But I digress.
Last night I drove the group to a showing of a movie: "3 Way", starring Gina Gershon. The film plot was incomprehensible to me, and I have an IQ of at least 110, so whatever the group was thinking, I have no clue. The average IQ amongst our little clan is measurable on the Richter Scale...1 to 9. So, there you go.During one of the sex scenes, between the lead actor and this amazingly hot black girl named Joy Bryant (Nigel soiled his underwear watching this, true confession time), the guy sitting next to me, from our group of mental defectives, started convulsing. Badly. What to do, what to do?
Answer: CPR, of course! When in doubt, pound the shit out of the victim's chest whilst simultaneously delivering mouth-to-mouth. Now, I have no gay predilictions, but that being said I am happy to stick my tongue where it normally wouldn't go, homo-wise, so long as it yields the
Saving Private Ryan result. Besides, our victim looked a bit like Brad Pitt, but with a really big forehead. So you can understand my willingness to chuck my sexuality, just for a moment...maybe?
Wiping away the foam, I went at it. And wouldn't you know, our boy starts recovering, albeit with one extra element unforeseen: he's got a hard on the size of Idaho. Now, I have a little tiny weener, as you all know, so seeing this humungous tented pants thing took me by surprise. Sure, I'd been rolling my tongue around his larynx just a bit, but not enough to cause el-woodrow, if you know what I mean. So your Nigel was a bit taken aback.
Still and all, as our victim was recovering, I took a break from my mouth-to-mouth to survey the damage. Victim: retard. Check. Condition: improved. Check. Current concern: what to do with his obvious porn-star proportion priapism. Check. Solution: have one of the mentally defective girls get a-bobbin' and a-slurpin'. Check. All taken care of.
Your Nigel comes through with flying colors, yet again! The one bad thing was that Gina Gershon, gratuitous nearly nude photo at left, does NOT in ANY way get naked in this movie, "3 Way", so the fucking title is misleading to say the least, and the rest of the movie sucked.The plot blew, the actors sucked, and Gina didn't show us her tits, which she'd previously done in the absolute masterpiece called "Bound", which when viewed resulted in me making a gigantic mess all over myself. Dammit.
Oh, and btw: it's good to be back to my old self.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 8:41 PM
10 Comments:
Welcome back, dearest :)
p.s. you're an assclown for not returning my phone call. Last time I looked you weren't a cop named Mike, so knock the bad mannered b.s. off -
pardon the mush for a moment please.
((((((Nigel))))))
There, that's done. Please re-assume your normal positon of making me laugh, snort coffee out my nose, and generally making me very glad that I happened by your blog.
(Oh, and I still want you to email me !!!)
Glad to see that you have re-considered...Welcome back!
see, all you needed was a few slaps to the head, and you are back to blogging! haha! now, don't do this again cuz i have no problem kickin' your ass a little more next time. ;)
glad you are back!!! now i can go on with my life without having to worry :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeez! I stop paying attention for a second and you up and quit blogging and next thing I know you're handing out hard-ons to the intellectually incapacitated or whatever-the-hell...
You're living in the fast lane.
Glad you're staying, friend.
I could not, not write about that one either, my friend.
Ugh, the PC thing. New girl in the office is paining me to get the copier guy to config her computer.
Anyhoo, I said something to the tune of "that retard?" and she about chewed my head off like a praying mantis. It's cool, for I now know where her hidden angry button is!!
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