Friday fun: grilling out!
Tonight I once again take my life into my own hands and set forth, trepidatiously, with much forethought and caution, and being fully dressed in combat gear will carefully head out onto the pool deck and thence to confront my gas grill. That's me, right, in a photo taken last year just before I attempted to grill some shrimp and scallops for Passover Seder. As you can see, I'm fully protected and ready to attack the fucking thing.It's no surprise to you, my loyal shlubbies, to learn that my Weber Gasomatic and I just don't get along.
I bought it on e-Bay last year, cheap; the listing said something about how it had been successfully used during Gitmo torture sessions. Allegedly. Supposedly. So it's...understandable why it's never worked right, not from day one, and I don't believe the problem is me. Nothing turns out right using this bloody thing, lemme tell ya. Much weeping and gnashing of teeth occurs--and that's mostly from my dinner guests. Me, I resort to my standard fallback, which involves liberal use of colorful swear words and invective. *Sigh*.Nevertheless, it's onward and upward. Tonight's adventure involves previously live cow, ground, and turned into something called a "hamburger". I've consulted the Food Network to learn what I can about not destroying this food while cooking. I even emailed with offers of bribes to Rachel Ray, but have heard nothing back yet.
Here are the steps I've adopted, from a very helpful pamphlet called "Grilling Hamburgers For Dummies: The Retard's Guide To Charring Red Meat."
Step 1: Buy hamburgerStep 2: Form it into patties
Step 3: Turn on the grill
Step 4: Grill the hamburgers
Step 5: View results with disdain and disgust
Step 6: Throw the whole mess away and head to the In-'N-Out Burgers drive through instead.
We don't have In-'N-Out burgers here in Atlanta--dammit--so I'm back to step 1. Looks like I'm gonna have to go through this torture after all....
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 11:44 AM
3 Comments:
ugh! that last pic on the bottom right is just hideous, Nigel!! haha!
oh, well. good luck with your grilling. i am sure it will all turn out really great anyways! you need to have more faith in yourself!!
TGIF!
Cremated Bovine - it's good for the digestion system.
In and out burgers.....Yum!
See, you should look at the bright side. There is no mention of explosion or 3 alarm fires anywhere....You should count yourself lucky!
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