Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

My religious heritage is a mixed bag

I've noted some media yakking about President-elect Obama's mixed racial heritage. Mom was white, dad was black -- there you have it -- our next Prez!!

I, too, am of mixed racial heritage. My mother's family are all Jewish, and my father's family are all Neanderthal.

Just kidding.

Actually, dad's family were all Scottish coal miners. These people were so Protestant, they believed that Catholics had tails..so you can imagine the reaction the first time daddy showed up at home bright eyed, bushy tailed, and probably pretty horny, with this lovely young lady of the Hebrew persuasion. Oy, gevalt!

They were so pissed off, it continued well past the wedding up to and including my birth. How pissed off? They picketed my circumcision, that's how much.

As I grew, I was raised a Protestant believer, but we also celebrated Passover. This caused a weird amalgamation of rituals. For example, we wanted the Angel of Death to pass by our house, but instead of using lamb's blood on the door as a sign, we went to Sherwin Williams for a gallon of "Country Club Red" latex. As for the seder itself, in our family, the 4 questions of Pesach had some bizarre answers, sort of a mixed bag of stuff. Like, question #1, about why we eat only matzoh at Passover? Answer: because the butcher ran out of haggis. What the hell kind of response is that?

No wonder I'm a confused person.

Still, I take solace in this: Jesus was a Jew, and if he can forgive me for my sins, including everything on this blog, well, I figure I'm on my way to heaven. If not, maybe I can find someone down here who'd sell me a ticket...but I'm not paying retail! What, you want I should pay retail?

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 6:39 AM