Wherein your Nigel is tested, goddammit!
I see where there's some folderol relative to the two Presidential candidates' experience, as in, "having been tested." This, because of a comment made by VP contender Joe Biden the other day. Ol' Joe said something about how within the first six months of an Obama presidency, the Messiah (that'd be Obama) will be "tested" by some big international incident....McCain, in response, jumped on this, claiming that he, McCain, had already been "tested" and was ready to take on presidential responsibilities from day one.Whatever.
But it got me thinking: I, too, have been tested. Proof? Here goes:
- Driving test. Despite what that fucking little cockney gecko rants and raves about on TV (for those assholes at Geico), I'
m proud to report that I've taken four different driving tests in four states, and have passed most of them. Since I failed geometry in high school, that goddamm parallel parking got me twice. I went perpendicular instead, and blew the test. Who knew you needed to be able to do math in order to drive a fucking car? - Breathalizer/DUI test. Big FAIL for your Nigel,
despite having chewed three whole sticks of Juicy Fruit and gargled with absinthe prior to hitting the road. Maybe the absinthe did it? The cop wasn't very friendly, either. 
AIDS test. In anticipation of someday perhaps actually having sex with a real woman again, I went for it. Passed with flying colors. All that remains now is to get the blow up doll tested, and we can go at it, bareback. Can't wait!
IQ test. Recently performed at the request of my family doctor, who's concerned about me losing brain cells daily. Something to do with my alcohol intake. I'm happy to report that I'm way high on one scale of measurement here: the Richter Scale. Yes, my IQ is "9.5". Proud, I am, of this, and I have one question: are you ready to ruuuuuummmmmblllllle?
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 12:01 AM
1 Comments:
Nigel for President...Now you know who will get my vote come November 2nd.
When was the last time you were a write in candidate?
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