Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

Nigel comes to the rescue yet again

Another question submitted to tax what's left of both Nigel's brain and his patience:

How would you suggest to avoid the flu this year especially with a house full of kids that bring home every germ imaginable? Is there any hope for me to avoid this year's plague?

This one's simple: spray the kids with shitloads of Windex, head to toe. Do it assembly-line style, and make sure to get under their arms and everything, 'cause that's where the heat builds up and spores of nastiness flourish. Not only will the Windex kill the bugs, it'll make the kids squeeky clean at the same time, so you're "going green" here by saving water -- not needing to bathe the little buggers.

And one other tip: ixnay on tongue kissing your pets. Animals' mouths are disgusting cesspools of bacteria, so frenching Fifi the poodle is a serious no-no. I realize it's a habit you've got, and it'll be hard to break, and of course Fifi loves it and all -- but seriously, man, control your urges in order to get through the season halfway healthy.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 10:54 AM