Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

My Christmas gift

You could barely contain my excitement yesterday when I eagerly unwrapped the one gift found for me under the tree at my ex-wife's house (I had to go there, see, 'cause Nigel Jr. lives with that person). Tearing apart the paper in breathless anticipation, I opened the box and found this:
Yes, it's the "Historic Victory" commemorative plate celebrating the election of our new President, Barethemus Hexographer O'Shaughnessy. As seen on TV! Well! How special! Carefully, I mounted it on its collectors item 24k faux gold stand, and placed it in the takanoma ("place of honor" in traditional Japanese households). Once there and safe, I continually turned to it as I was chewing mouthfuls of previously live turkey and pig, and smiled at it. Just like in the TV ad. I was most drawn to his "confident smile and kind eyes".

The crowning thingy with this was the official "Certificate of Authenticity" which assures me and all my impressed visitors that this, indeed, is the real goddamm deal, and that I being smart wasn't fooled by cheap imitations.

I'll be ordering more President O'Shaughnessy crapola in the future, so if you're aware of anything I can use around the house that celebrates him, including his confident smile and kind eyes...lemme know.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 7:44 AM