Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

Doctor, is that a thermometer in his pants, or is he just happy to us?

There they are on the tube: middle aged man, slightly younger but still very good looking middle aged woman....holding hands, frolicking through the woods, sharing a mud bath, staring into each other's eyes while picking lice out of each other's hair like orangatans...whatever.

Anyway, the guy in the TV ad says: "When the right moment comes up, will you be ready?" Damn right, you say! I'm popping Cialis daily, I'm frickin' ready, bloody oath, effin' A.

Then he says: "Erections lasting 4 or more hours can be serious and require medical attention." Whoa. Hold the phone. Erections lasting 4 or more hours?

So I'm thinking: this happens to you. Next, imagine the scene at the local General Mercy Shepherd's Regional St. Mary's-Jude's-Fred's Emergency Room near you. In you walk, all tented out likesay, making your way through and among the foaming-at-the-mouth drug overdose/arms-ripped-off-in-chainsaw accidents/luckless-pedestrians-mangled-in-car wrecks/popped-out-knee- socket-football injuries people--in other words, unfortunates with real reason to be there.....and you, you horny old goat, you schlub, there you are with your Dockers perpendicular to your zipper line, and the ER nurse says to you, loudly, so everyone can hear: "what's the emergency?".

At that very moment your problem might go away, because all the blood in your body would rush to your face.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 1:48 PM