Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

Santa knows who's been naughty and nice...

For Mahmoud Abbas: cojone growth injections enabling resistance to Hamas and Fatah douchebags determined to undermine anything resembling a reasonable agreement allowing Israel's security and Palestine's statehood.

For Donald Rumsfeld: 500 "Buff my scrotum" stickers, good for distribution to the news nabobs who, barnacle-like, have attached themselves to his every move in the hopes of tripping him up.

For Bernard Kerik: a lifetime supply of Trojans. 'Cause of the wife and two mistresses thingy....

For Michael Moore: a steaming heaping helping of STFU. Living proof that excrement can walk and talk, here's a guy who fashions his facts to suit his own idiotic political agenda.

For Kofi Anan: ......wait a minute. He doesn't need any Christmas presents. He's already on every "Corrupt Regime Giftlist" there is, isn't he? What more, possibly, can he need or want that isn't already being provided in cash, under the table, by some Third World junta-heading military bigwig?

Oh, and here's just one last Christmas wish:

For Salma Hayek: me. Alternatively, Annabella Sciorra would work just fine, in a pinch, and I wouldn't be overly upset. Too much. Sort of. Well, maybe just a little bit.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 8:52 AM