On the road....
Am currently enjoying the, er...aroma...of charming and bustling Tulsa Oklahoma. At left, the mayor of Tulsa, posing with 4 contented farmer-fans. Yes, Tulsa. Birthplace of whooping cough. Where driving cattle means you get behind the cow and do the predictable thing. Mmmmmmm....Tulsa. Where the sky doesn't end, mother earth she be flat, and living here means never having to hock up a loogie with embarrassment. Living on....Tulsa time. Tulsa. Where even the toilet paper is, um, oily (actually, it kinda feels nice, in a weird sort of I'm-in-jail way).Next, and goodness knows I can't wait, comes Joplin Missouri. It's just up the road a piece, but a whole 'nuther world away. So they say. Here's their tourist department phrase: "Joplin. Please wave from the interstate as you RV your way to Branson, fat-asses".
Enough, now, about Joplin. Please, for the love of all that's good and gracious.
Tulsa has this big statue of some oil guy, standing tall by his derrick, drill in hand and ready to fill 'er up with premium high octane, baby. This is their main tourist attraction. People come from blocks around to see it. After that, there's Oral Roberts University. I don't quite GET why that school has a hospital, given ol' Oral's ability to frigging cure cancer and heart disease and even whooping cough (did I tell you that it was invented here?). After Oral Roberts comes the--well, the prairie, I guess. And what a peach of a prairie it is. Pretty prairie, primarily populated with loads of millionaire Tonto-types feeding at the reservation casino trough. "Texas high-hold four square shit roll blind bluff smegmatic douche-bag urinary tract infection slam-down" appears to be the name of the new kind of poker they're playing these days at the casino. "Please wave from the interstate as you RV your way through here and then on to Joplin before you go to Branson, fat-asses"--this was the ad I heard on the radio for the casino. It appears that their marketing director has some kind of connection to Joplin's tourist board.
Well, it's off to wallow in Okie orneriness. They'll KICK YOUR ASS if you look at them the wrong way. Gotcha chaw, gotcha ugly womens, gotcha deads--we're ready to PARTY! Yee-haw....and buff my scrotum while you're at it.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 11:25 PM
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