Amish erotica--it's hot (courtesy of that real-wood fire)
Whilst scouring the Internet tonight in my never-ending attempt to find truth, justice, and free music downloads--during all this, a thought popped into my head. Vis: just what would Amish porn be like? Intrigued, I began musing. Here, then, a sample bit of dialogue from an imaginary film....we'll call it "Hester does Lancaster" starring Camryn Manheim as Hester, the disenchanted quilt maker, and Steve Gutenberg as Jacov, the young and handsome travelling buggy-whip salesman....Hester: Oh, Jacov, hie thee and blow out the candle!
Jacov: Quiet, woman. Avert thy gaze as I detach my garments.
H: Jacov, Jacov, please come to me, but with your back turned.
S: Hester, desire for you consumes my head--'tis almost enough to make me want to use a telephone. You must reach your hand here and then there and by doing so you will "raise my barn"...
~(much fumbling around in the dark)~
H: Jacov, thee, thee, churn it. Churn my butter! Churn my butter!
S: Yes, thou heathen.
H: Ooooh, I like it when'st thou callest me 'heathen'. Now call me...call me 'English' !
S: Enough talk, English: make my apple cake turn upside down!
~(more fumbling around in the dark)~
H: It is done. I am experiencing the filth and disgust and self-loathing and nausea that is rightfully mine to feel at this time.
S: You are appropriately shamed. Now, go sew me something.
The End. A Quinn Martin production.
On second thought, this being Amish must be no fun at all. Though the near-at-hand whips might have an offsetting benefit. Know what I mean? Buff my scrotum if you don't agree.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 11:17 PM
32 Comments:
lookin for a download, thoughts "pop up" so you pair angelina jolie with steve gutengrody??? you're sick
and funny!
ROFL...this one's even better :) Sadly, I have actually had sex like this, and I'm not even Amish !!
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