Chili Cookoff final tally: "Rednecks" 100, "Nigel" 0
I got a pant load at this goddamn Chili Cookoff, in more ways than one:- Asshole drunks playing hackysack right next to my bloody tent until who-knows-when, screaming and yelling, fortified with beer beer beer beer beer. Beer.
- Legless girls, done in by Miller Light and schnapps, shirts up on cue. "Show us your tits!" was all it took. Non-stop, till 4am.
- There were no black people there at all. Apparently chili cookoffs are like yard sales--an exclusively "clueless Caucasians" activity. (Yard sales: just what is it with white people selling their shit to each other in the driveway, anyway?)
- More atmosphere, and oh, what a treat: classic rock and caterwauling country cds set on repeat, blasting through the park. An added bonus: the bass was turned up way too much, so it was thump-thump-thump...non-stop, till 4am.
- Tobacco chaws being expectorated, with no regard for where people might want to, um, step.
- Live music: a Steely Dan tribute band--hey, just what I wanna hear--obscure tracks from "Katy Lied" played American Idol style! Plus a Who and Skynyrd tribute band. *Sob*...
- Last but not least, no kidding, there were even a couple Confederate flags fluttering from tents. Fucking racist rednecks.
And the Porta-Johns? Exactly as predicted. Vile, disgusting, smelly, grotesque, horrifying, awful, covered in bodily fluids. I don't even think flies found it appealing. But thanks to that yummy Pepto Bismol (see previous post), I managed to avoid need for the facilities over the 24 hour duration of all the fun I experienced. So I'm now hovering by the bathroom here at home, awaiting the release of all that's pent up and held in. I will savor this, I will, when ultimately victory is mine.The photo here is chili, alright. But it also resembles what was immediately visible when one had to visit the bog. Jeez, spare me this next year, please.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 10:47 PM
5 Comments:
Sounds like you took a page from Baby's (of Diry Dancing) Book and went Slumming....the only thing that held your shit above the chili cook-off riff raffery was your Pink Saviour....
Your chili looks lethal. Just the way I like it!
UGHH! I meant DIRTY!
not your lovely chili...the dancing
(typos sux)
I am white and I like other people's stuff. Usually it's really weird. Conversation pieces really. :)
:0]
There's a Girl of Approval here to buff my scrotum.
The cuteness (but not like Bunny cuteness)is in the play on words not personalities
Or is it?Hmmmmm
:0)
Oh, yes.
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