Monday, May 14, 2007

Had enough food, you fat sluggy bastard?

Dateline: Toledo. Golden Corral, the indescribably disgusting all-u-can-eat-you-fat-fucking-tub-of-lard buffet is the scene of fisticuffs. Why? Crowded "restaurant" full of Mother's Day celebrants, baby screaming, someone tells the baby to shut up, baby's mother goes apeshit, chairs, tables fly, 10 minute fight, 5 people arrested. The horror, the horror. The Toledo Blade has all the hideous details.

Problems I have with this story:
  1. Toledo. Just on gp's, you know: Toledo. It's like Kankakee, but without the charm.
  2. Golden Corral. The Wal Mart of restaurants, with similar clientele (hence, the fighting). I'll take a big ol' heaping helping of e-coli, please!
  3. Golden Corral....on Mother's Day, for God's sake! "Mom, I really hate you, so to celebrate I chose the worst possible place in the world to eat." (Well...second worst. The Outback Steakhouse was full). Seriously, who would subject their mother to the Golden Corral?
I was much nicer to my mother than these bastards apparently were. My more than thoughtful gifts included: a bottle of Old Overholt Straight Rye, two pouches of Red Man, a "#8" decal, and a WWE poster. She cried, she was so happy.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 11:58 AM

1 Comments:

At 8:56 PM, Blogger doctor chip said...

dude...

1) I've been to Kankakee. it stands as a solid justifcation to continue nuclear and chemical weapons testing.

2) you are correct, sir, in your assessment of the Outhouse Steakhouse.

3) very nice gifts, my friend.

4) what-- no video of the melee?!?

man. the Toledo Blade is slackin', man!
don't they get YouTube (baaaaaaaa) in Ho-Hi-Ho?

"hohiho"

B-o

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