Jim Davis is still not dead
Today's the birthday of possibly the least funny person who makes a living trying to be funny: Jim Davis. The guy who does the cartoon, "Garfield". Sure, maybe there are other less funny "funny" people, like that douchebag Dane Cook. Still and all, Jim Davis is pretty damn not funny, and proves it day in and day out, right there in the newspaper.Many years ago, I dated this super-hot half Filipina babe. And she loved--really loved--Garfield. In her apartment while we would go at it, and irrespective of whatever coital position we'd choose, there he was, on the wall or in a picture frame, on the floor or on a cushion or in her kitchen. Garfield pictures and merchandise wherever, everywhere.
The upshot of this is a psychiatrist's field day: years later, I still mentally associate mind-blowing orgasms with Garfield the cat. And I'm thinking this is why I can no longer have sex.
Too bad it's your birthday, Jim Davis. I wish you'd never been born. My dick wishes you'd never been born. But in the spirit of gift-giving, I hereby offer you a free embalming. Have your people call me when you're dead, and until then, buff my scrotum.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 6:29 AM
4 Comments:
La! I came here for a laugh....
Buffy & an Asian persuasion got me a little steamed....i ain't jelus just ew.
Also: you gatekeepered me OUT with your embalming ways...again: ew.
I know a dozen Asian girls who love Garfield. Strange. I'll admit when I was a kid, I loved Garfield. But talk about flogging a dead horse. Yes, he likes lasagna and fucking with that stupid dog. We get it.
Can you get it up to a pan of lasagna??? That could be an upside.
I am of the opinion that anyone who is into Garfield, Ziggy, Disney, stuffed animals, or thinks wrestling is real is too stupid to screw. I try to be an open-minded person, but you know, a person's gotts draw the line somewhere.
I'm with you on the lasagna thing. I'd give the right woman all my money, plus my beef jerky collection, if I could guaran-damm-tee me once a week homemade bloody lasagna.
Is it not the best?
Is it not heavenly?
Wait, pants tightening occurring...oh oh...uh.uh.ub...,lmvpsnvskanvlasknlaslkskb n'adldknbl'adknbdakbdkb b dkl
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