Public crapping at the chili cookoff--AGAIN!
Once again into the breach: next weekend is the 2nd annual edition of Nigel trying not to have to take a shit at the goddamm chili cookoff. How did I get roped into this again? Re-live last year's glory here with the hilarious conclusion to our story here...See, I'm scared of public porta-potties. There, the truth is out. And there's nothing but public porta-potties at this charming event. And I'm supposed to fucking camp out (another nightmare for me: it's out-goddamm-doors!) overnight the night before and then get up bright and early and begin cooking chili. And basically, doing whatever I can to stave off the inevitable intestinal rumbling that occurs over the course of any day.
I want desperately to avoid backing the big brown Caddy out of the garage. Not interested in bombing the porcelain sea. Say no to hanging a rat. Or, taking a Ron Paul. Nor do I want to upgrade my Thetan level...(hey, I pissed of Moslems in the last post; now I'm going for the Scientologists....)
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 6:43 AM
4 Comments:
As great as your fear of the outdoors may be, NOTHING is worse than an indoor chili cookoff. I once judged one. Buh AND BUH!
Imagine a brick building with 40 chili-eating power farters inside. That picture you posted of the port-a-pottie??? That's nothing to the destructive force of flatulence within a closed system.
Couldn't you just bring a shovel and baby wipes?
Its usually not the smell so much as it is the burning of my eyes! Visine is a must needed medicine when I venture off into Chili Cook-Offs, especially here in Texas!
Flyinfox_SATX
The last time I shat in a Port O' John was on Mustang Island. Not sure what caused it, but it might've had something to do with the previous night, that day's voda & Fresca drinks, and/or the warm sammiches.
Fortunately I had the runs, so the experience was quick and painless. It was still mercilessly hot. The only saving grace was that I had an ocean to jump in afterward.
Ain't nothin' so unappealing as heavin' a Havana in a fuckin' stinky ass portable shithouse!
LS: I believe you, big time. Back in my radio days I used to have to judge these things, too--radio promotional appearance B.S--and I know what you mean!
FlyinFox: Yeah, but the Mexican food in San Antonio is frigging great. So that's the trade off.
Carlos:Heavin' A Havana! I love it!
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