Thursday, January 10, 2008

I'll take a venti decaf latte, hold the fries

D'ja hear? McDonald's is now going to compete with Starbucks, serving up frothy, expensive coffee drinks. McDonald's sees this as a big $$ maker and wants their share of cafe culture revenue moving forward.

This is nutty. People who go to Starbucks aren't the same as people who go to McDonald's. Starbucks customers are self-important, deluded assholes; McDonald's customers are just....assholes. But of a different stripe....er, skidmark(?)

Consider the experience: McDonald's floors are slippery and slimy, the place stinks of beef and fries, the chairs are battened down to the table legs (so as to allow easy cleaning of afore-mentioned slippery, slimy floors)--and the help? The kids behind the counter? I've previously made fun of the hoity-toity "baristas" at Starbucks, but for my money McDonald's help is the bottom of the barrel. They're the kind of people who need to consult the cash register's calculator to make change when you've given them a $5 bill and what you've bought costs $4.50.

Have you seen the Burger King ads, the ones where they "took the Whopper off the menu" and then hidden cameras recorded the reaction of patrons when told that the Whopper was discontinued? The near-violent angry screaming "get me your manager" shots aren't amusing to me. These are some scary-ass Americans, no kidding. And they vote.

While Burger King isn't McDonald's, the customer demographic/psychographic is about the same for both. Spare me these fast-food people, please; the world would be a lot better place without them.

8 Comments:

At 10:29 AM, Blogger reneegrrrrrrrr said...

Guatemala already has the McDonald's cafes. I spent too much on a crappy cup of Joe.

I swear I'm not one of those "self-important, deluded assholes", I'm just a lowly addict that can barely afford my fix and am thankful I don't have a Starbucks three miles away anymore cause I'm an addict.

I always got my drink to go ;)

 
At 3:53 PM, Blogger Deech said...

Ronald McDonald can suck on my Frappuccino!

Yeah, I eat there at times cause I have kids and they like the toys. Otherwise I have been avoiding that place like a rash!

Flyinfox_SATX

 
At 9:37 PM, Blogger doctor chip said...

woot!

yo, I am not a coffee snob or connesseur, but I LOVE a good cup of Joe. mind you, not the watered down bullshit you get in most places in America, either... I like coffee the way Europeans have brewed it for centuries... that is, A WELL-ROUNDED TABLESPOON OF COFFEE PER CUP SERVED, AND DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING PERCOLATE IT YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER... see, the percolation method ROBS coffee of the flavor and aroma, no? YES!

I personally prefer Espresso, straight-up, two-- yes, TWO "Dobles", which is more like extracted. next up, is drip, with a good blend, and with enough coffee in it to make a God-damned GOOD CUP.

now, while McDonald's is (and always will be) a "grease trap", they have got a couple things goin' for 'em...

1) the burgers ARE good... but only in the original "hot-off-the-grill" fashion, which is why I always get 'em MINUS something I can add at the soda station (ie:catsup) ((that's the RIGHT way to spell "ketchup"))

and...

2) they always ALWAYS have good fresh brewed drip coffee.

I mean it has FROTH on it (for the un-washed amongst you, if'n ya got a black liquid with NO foam... it AIN'T coffee)... and they have their own custom blend, too, which is really good for what it is.

that said, ya can't get Espresso at MickeyD's... but they now offer the "Premium Blend Iced Coffee"... which is a glass of fresh - brewed (right off the goddamned pot fresh) Java, hand mixed with ice and (if requested ) flavour and cream, and VOILA!

yo, it's pretty fucking good.

take that from a guy who FREQUENTS Starbucks, it's good.

yo, and for what it's worth?

the LAST Starbucks I went into, I ordered the same fuckin' thing, except I ordered iced cappacino (cappacino is espresso with steamed milk)...

... and, YO, I'm here to tell ya, it didn't hold a candle to the Mac's.

no shit, that... the local Starbucks got it's ASS kicked by greasy Mac's.

no foolin' you, that's the way it went down.

oh, did I mention that the cost at Mac's was 1.59 (small) compared to 3.89 (only size -meaning it was also small) at Starfucks?

I say, Starfucks has run it's course.


I'm looking for a new, and bona-fide Joe-provider these days...

look, I didn't say the Mac's was GREAT.... just better than Starfucks...

yup.

B-)

--------------

 
At 10:10 PM, Blogger Constance said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 10:12 PM, Blogger Constance said...

Fancy coffee belongs in fancy coffee places. Not Mickey D's. Get a grip, corporate. You're delusional.


p.s. This is why I drink hot jasmine tea instead. I prefer my delusions to be unique and unpretentious.

 
At 3:23 PM, Blogger changapeluda said...

scary ass americans!
heee heeee!

you're funny.
:0]

my cousin tried an icy coffee drink at Mickey D's and big surprise

it sucked.
i tasted it so i know:
cheap ass instant coffee on dirty bottom of the cooler ice, topped off w/pastic tasting "whipped cream" cuppa yucka.

 
At 3:25 PM, Blogger changapeluda said...

i meant plastic
but you prolly already knew that.

i like Real cream.

;0]

 
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