Ain't it great...to lose some weight?
Don't be hatin'I'm losin' weightin'
Yo yo word to yo fat mama
Ok, ok, I can't write hip hop lyrics. I was trying for something that you could jam on to the tune of my favorite Lupe Fiasco song, "Where Be All The White Womens?" I admit my attempt here blows dead hippos, but the message comes through, eyah? See, I am becoming a shadow of my former self as I am losing weight faster than you can say "He must have a tapeworm!"
This is my latest attempt at self improvement. Oh, I've tried all the others: Eckankar, running in place while cutting what's left of my hair with my Flobee, watching Dr. Phil. I even once took in laundry for a family of Scientologists. But, to no avail. My new way is pretty simple and here it is:
- I'm barely eating;
- I started smoking again.
My fatboy jeans are now getting, dare I say...looser. And, stop the presses: I haven't seen Little Percy, the wife's best friend, in at least two years, and this morning in the shower I looked down, and (*sob*)...there he was!
Now, I imagine I'd do a lot better with this weight thing if I cut back on the 8--10 Guinnesses a day. But some things, hey, that's just asking too much. Buff my scrotum if you don't agree.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 5:58 AM
8 Comments:
This is the funny business, yes? Am you making the joke I think. If so, it is much successful and I am of enjoyment.
Please to visit me at my blog, Yasser Arafats Underpants, to exchange the good wishes. Hoping, though, that you are not a Zionist.
Salaam.
I am hoping you are not a Zionist too.
Glad you're back and able to watch yourself exchange the good wishes with Nigel Minor, as well.
Woo hoo Nigel!!!!
I'm going to offer some advice that I have difficulty with too be here it goes: I hear tale you are better off eating five small meals a day for weight loss.
There it is, I do better barely eating as well and never "shubbie" (sp?) would I tell some one to stop with the beer, I LOVE BEER
Does "it" have a name?
You are sounding better already, and I'm dead serious, when you are back in Orlando area (I live in Daytona area) I want to meet!!!
I think you have great wit!!!! And sound like an interesting guy. Hell, you use to be a DJ and work for a mortuary that I know of you just from reading the past 4-5 months so there my friend, In my best Stuart Smalley voice "Gosh darnit I like you!!! ;)
You inspire me!
i'm gonna go out and buy a pack - shed some of this EXcess
proof of one too many tortillas
- then who knows, maybe next time i'm in the shower i'll be lookin down at my Own best friend!
:0]
When you say 'There he was' I hope you don't mean he just dropped off!! That would be the icing on the cake wouldn't it.
Superglue is good for sticking skin on though - and I'm sure you have access to chemicals to stop it getting all rotten . . . .
Glad to see you're back mate.
f.b.i.t.c.
God...I was commenting to my friend the other day how good a cigarette sounded as I watched someone walk by smoking one. I put on about 20lbs after quitting 2.5yrs ago.
Dead hippos? ;-)
Congratulations on the Little Percy sighting! I'm sure he missed you too.
Bunny
sounds like you're doing better than me, old chum.
hey, I love the Guiness Stout. when I'm on, I do about 3 to 6 a night. generally, though, I avoid it. goddamn, though, GODSPEED to you. most sincerely, my friend. whatever you do, let me know. I'm still strugglin; myself...
yup.
B-)
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