Monday, March 31, 2008

My mother the bouncer

You haven't truly lived until you see your own elderly mother toss an uninvited 83 year old woman who uses a walker out of a private party. And doing it loudly, because the old bat couldn't hear. Surreal? I think so.

This was last night. My mother got married to a wonderful old dude last weekend and since then, they've held a couple of receptions at the retirement community they live in. Last Wednesday was the "open to all the residents" acquaintances reception; last night was the private by-invitation-only close friends reception.

Anyhow, back to the story of my mother the bouncer. So the uninvited infirmed and feeble old lady shuffling by the party room on her way back from gumming dinner sees the gathering and stops...turns very slowly...avails herself of the hand sanitizer conveniently available near the door...makes her way into the room, and starts to sort of roll her way towards the open bar. Mom gets her skates on and quickly intercepts:

Mom: "Kay, this is an invitation-only party."
Kay: "What?"
Mom: "An INVITATION-ONLY PARTY! The party for you was WEDNESDAY NIGHT!"
Kay: "What?"
Mom: "KAY, YOU'RE NOT INVITED TO THIS PARTY AND YOU HAVE TO LEAVE!"
Kay: "What party?"
Mom: "THE PARTY FOR ALL RESIDENTS WAS WEDNESDAY NIGHT. YOU GOT AN INVITATION BUT YOU DIDN'T COME! THIS IS FOR CLOSE PERSONAL FRIENDS AND YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THEM!" (ed. note--you can tell where I get my charm and tact from, hmmm?)
Kay:"I didn't know about that party Wednesday. I didn't get the invitation."
Mom: "KAY, WE SENT YOU ONE. NOW I'M SORRY BUT YOU HAVE TO LEAVE."
Kay: "WHAT?"
Mom, (leaning into Kay's one good ear): "YOU HAVE TO LEAVE NOW, KAY. SO GET OUT. GOOD-BYE!!"

I'll be proposing my mother for Secretary of State in the next administration, regardless of who wins the election. On second thought, she's such a hard-ass that maybe Secretary of Defense would be better?

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 7:43 AM

2 Comments:

At 12:38 AM, Blogger Carlos said...

Your mother is my kinda woman!

Your anectdote reminds me of my grandmother. She could say anything, and you could do nothing but accept and obey because it was said with such authority and class.

Ain't too many of them types-a womens 'round no mo'.

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger We sing we dance we steal things said...

"I see old people" LMAO!
My Granny (white one) was so evil that if you looked into her eyes your hair would start fire. Not fun.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home