It's prom time, and I've got the vapors
Ah! A shiver and a sigh......oh, shlubbies, my heart is FULL, full, I say, beating pitter patter, faster than even this morning, when I combined the methamphetamine with the benzedrine for maximum effect, yes, I say. Oh!For it's...PROM season! That time of year when kids who've worked hard all year long at the Dairy Queen pool their money to buy....well, nothing. Because they've managed to guilt their stupid parents into shelling out for the dresses and the tuxes and the goddamm limos and hotel rooms, where much underage sex and drinking does NOT ensue. Perish the thought that our little snowflakes would be involved in depravity such as that.
Prom is for 17 year old shitstains. The girls pretend they're Vivian Leigh in Gone With The Wind while the boys pretend they're Cary Grant in The Philadelphia Story. These very same asshats, once in college, go through "rush" week and pledge the most popular fraternity or sorority.. And then they grow up to be stockbrokers who play golf on the weekends and hate Jews and tolerate Negroes ("we don't HATE the Negro, you see...we just want to keep him in his place) and who start off driving Buick LeSabres but aspire to that new Cadillac STS and who live in disgusting split level suburban McMansions with mistreated Mexican illegal immigrant yardworkers and who are busy fucking their next door neighbor's wife because in the Bible, see, it says "love thy neighbor as thyself" and of course they're getting all the fucking neighbor loving they can. They go to church on Sundays but mainly for the eucharist (the free wine, natch) and to mack on the wife of the next door neighbor from the other side of the house.
Fuck the load of them, and if any of YOU bastards went to "prom" then I say: buff my scrotum. And I bet YOU hate Jews and tolerate Negroes, too.
(as a side note--God, it feels good to be back, pleasant, and firing on all cylinders again!)
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 7:32 AM
6 Comments:
Went to prom in a an awesome discount dress -- that was the best part. My date and I were "just friends", so he showed up an hour late, then informed me we had to go pick up his friend at the airport 50 miles away before we went to prom. He got 3 speeding tickets on the way, pouted when we got there late and had to sit with the teachers. He spent the entire prom talking to some chick in a soccer uniform the airport friend had run into in the lobby.
My history teacher tried to get me to go to his condo for beer and a hot tub, and I thought he was a sexy old perv, but found the whole thing way too overwhelming, so declined.
Later at an after-party a girlfriend and I split a bottle of Jose Cuervo. The next day we went to Great America where I made out with a boy on a roller coaster and got off and threw up.
tee-hee
Prom sucks!
Nigel,
I will confess...I went to Prom night. No I was not Mr. Popular but let me tell you. I got laid an awful lot that night! I didn't go to dance, I didn't go to drink. I only went for one thing. Man was I focused!
Flyinfox_SATX
It won't surprise you that not only did I not go to promo....I didn't go to...anything. Carlos, I'm glad you got laid, but I didn't, not till years later. And even then I was a dork. Definition of a dork, btw: someone who farts in the bathtub and chews the bubbles.
What I'm learning at 50, especially whith this kind of interaction i.e., blogging, is that I'm a way-behind-the-times asshole, even more than I thought I was! Wow, the things you pick up 32 years too late!
Ya big ol’ cynic – All them Republican kids will be doin’ a whole lotta abstaining and just saying no. All while Nancy Reagan and the rest of the nation’s neocons are home, safe with the knowledge that they’re properly-raised little angels are conducting themselves rightly - while their hypocritical parents chat online with underage kiddies, cruise airport restrooms for cock, and the like. I’m sorry – I got off track ;-)
For the record, I did NOT go to the prom – nor did I have any desire to go to the prom. So I’m clean – unless you count showing up in the parking lot under the influence of Valium, Jack Daniel’s and weed – and the only reason I remember that is because a few people told me I was there! So I guess I won’t be buffin’ your scrotum like the rest of the sack polishers who posted afore me!!!!
As for Jews…They don’t bother me much – unless I’m in New York – Then fuck ‘em all.
And Negroes? I like ‘em, so long as they stay outta my chickin! I owe Woozie a bucket of chicken from a bet, but he won’t send me his address so I can pay up.
PS
You need to lighten your dose of benz, booze and meth. I’m Carlos – Flyin’ Fox ain’t. ;-) Welcome back just the same ya cranky fuck.
Just an FYI -- I hear all of those neocon kids are a bunch of pill-popping sodomites. So much for abstinence education.
La Sirena: Ain't that the truth!
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