Uncontrollable, in the Crown Room
I love the Delta Crown Room.Populated mostly by upper middle class self-important Blackberry toting first class upgrade hunting shlemiels and posers, it's a place where you can get free drinks while relaxing en passant in the Crate and Barrel style post-modern cushy furniture. Invariably yabbering loudly into their goddamm Bluetooth devices, oblivious to the fact that the rest of us don't fucking care about their oily heap of shit business dealings, these smegma suckers squat sumo-like, busily working their fucking Dell laptops while sucking down the free Sweetwater on tap. Assholes.
Cost for all this? A few hundred a year. Me, I get around it by using an AMEX Platinum Card, which gets you into these hallowed halls for free, dontcha know.
I like to fuck with 'em. I act like I've got Tourette's...and also Restless Leg Syndrome. The combination of me swearing quietly to myself (but loud enough for digballs business guy on the couch next to me to hear) while bouncing my right knee up and down, up and down, up and down...well, it gets me the attention I crave. When confronted by the middle aged hag ex-flight attendant who was hot before they invented radio but who now handles check-ins at the Crownie (as I affectionately call the Crown Room), and it's invariable that I get confronted, I respond hissing thusly: "Listen you fucking disgusting twat, sorry I have Tourette's, you whore, sorry I have Tourette's, ouch my leg is bouncing, sorry I have Restless Leg Syndrome, you bitch, sorry I have Tourette's, my legs, ow, they hurt, sorry I have Restless Leg Syndrome, go fuck yourself and you'd be lucky to get that action, sorry I have Tourette's....
You get the idea.
Traveling with your Nigel is fun. You should try it sometime. OOOPS, the just called le flight du moi, seat 4C, darlings, and it's on to the double vodka and orange juices all the way home. Oh, and, sorry I have Tourette's. You fucking asshole.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 7:48 PM
4 Comments:
Nigel,
I'll fly first class with you anytime you want me to, you tourette's swearing, leg jerking, schlubbie :)
LOL
I'll fly any day with you as well, I'm capable of having Tourette's and I can drool pretty good too. ;)
My but your mood has improved since leaving the mortuary.
Mention tourettes and that fuck wad Chip shows up.
And Annie's picture still looks like a clam on the half shell which reminds me gotta go.
OMG! I would love to go places with you....
i have to hang out with people who sush me if i laugh too loud at the movies.
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