Wherein your Nigel screws it up, again
Goddamit all to fucking hell! Once again, your Nigel, last night and late, and via drunk texting, puts foot (A) in mouth (B) and screws up what was feeling like some sort of reconciliation with a friend of mine, who might've actually at one point or another taken pity on me and my skin tags, and put out. With her marvelous body: what a fabulous ass she has. But I digress. She's furious with me and I think for good reason. Wants me "out of her life", forthwith, and I'll comply absent other alternatives. If I counted up all the women who wanted me out of their lives, I'd be a professor of fucking quantum physics.Today I actually prayed: "Dear God, please help me understand why I'm so fricking unloveable, so I can take corrective steps which will allow me some degree of sexual satisfaction." No answer yet, but the lines are OPEN!
Well, I guess that ship's sailed, right into the bloody Bermuda Triangle, apparently, and now I'm sleepless and hopeless and very, very, sad. But what else is new.
Shit.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 2:59 PM
7 Comments:
Life sucks, don't it? I feel your pain - a different pain, but I feel it.
MY ADVICE TO YOU IS TO DRINK HEAVILY.
WITH HOOKERS.
yup.
B-)
-------
I'm sorry.
I find that my life is better when I hide my phone from myself when I'm drinking heavily.
The trick is to hide the phone sober, so that you can find it again when you're sober and you can't find it when your drunk.
Either that, or only drunkenly text those you already hate.
The above post keeps popping up a box with an error not allowing me to comment.
So my comment to the above post, if you bother to come back and read old comments to old post:
She's a witch, burn her!!!
My dearest Nige,
YOU ARE NOT - I REPEAT - NOT UNLOVABLE. Not even slightly.
What you ARE is a picker of unavailable women.
And you are outstanding at that. Seriously. You have managed to keep away from them - and then pick one who is a head game playing bit** whop trashes everyone's life she comes into contact with. She's an emotional disease.
But enough about her.
Honey, and I say this seriously. The key isn't avoiding those with slippery bits between their thighs.
It's choosing someone who WANTS TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU AND WHO IS SINGLE, LIVES WITHIN 10 MILES OF YOU, IS CLOSE TO YOUR AGE, AND SHARES ENOUGH OF THE SAME VALUE AND LIFESTYLE THAT YOU DO SO THAT YOU TWO ARE COMPATIBLE.
Now smack me if you must (on the bottom please, and gently :) but I recommend going to a Jenny Craig meeting or a Weight Watchers or whatever in your neighborhood. Because none are so tolerant as those with the same issue.
Heck, you can eat celery, cucumbers, asparagus, the occasional slice of watermelon, egg whites and grilled turkey breasts together.
Nigel, babe, DON'T GIVE UP ON WOMEN - Just start going for one who is lonely and smart and funny and has a decent job, too, okay ???
Trust me on this one.
And STOP drinking, NIGEL. I mean it. Don't mess up the revenge you are going to get on S.
You have a hotness goal. Stck to it. And then buy the Saville Row suit and the silk power tie, and let that little twit eat her dysfunctional heart out.
Because you, my friend, will have moved on and you will be with a woman who treats you well, consistently.
Now... go forth and find her. no excuses.
Genuinely,
your long distance cyber-friend,
Loving Annie
I'd lap dance for you anyday!
OK Ney - How do you know she's a witch? Does she float is is it the nose you put one her?
Bunny
PS Nigel if you loved us you would take off the word verf. Old folk like Ney and I have a hell of a time trying to comment.
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