Pissed off about depression
I just took one of those goddamm interactive online tests--this one to determine if I'm "depressed".Well, if I wasn't before, I sure as flaming bloody hell am now. Thanks, msn.com. Now I'm supposed to "call my doctor immediately" because I occasionally think that checking out wouldn't be such a bad thing. But then again, who doesn't think that every now and then? Or maybe a couple of times a week? Or perhaps once a day? I know I do.
Plus, I've lost weight recently. Well, THAT'S a fucking sign of depression, according to the test. BUT SO IS WEIGHT GAIN. Other tell-tale signs: I have trouble sleeping, and I have no interest in doing things. Let's deal with those two, shall we?
Trouble sleeping: the old Craftmatic adjustable isn't what it used to be at my house. But the main reason is because I can't turn my oily heap of shit brain off at night. Plus, it's addled, mostly with Sambuca and lager. It needs time to...relax. Ergo, your Nigel is an insomniac. Ironically, SLEEPING TOO MUCH is also a sign of depression, according to this test. So you can't win.
No interest in doing things: 30 years ago, I coordinated the Orientation program at the University of Minnesota. 12,000 students over 6 weeks. One of the things we made the poor shlubbie incoming freshmen do was to take a test--the "Strong Campbell Interest Inventory" -- and in order to know what the test was like, I had our orientation staff take it, too. Then, a research staffer from the U of M Hospital came over to one of our pre-session meetings to help interpret the results.
Now, this test was the typical "Would you rather be a banker or a shepherd?" kind of test. Hundreds of questions designed to pinpoint areas of interest and with that info, assist the student in initial selection of a major.
I scored negative on every single index; I had no interest in anything, according to this thing. Without revealing my personal results, I posed a hypothetical to the researcher. I asked her what she'd recommend for someone who scored negative on every index, and she unhesitatingly replied: "psychiatric help".
So, dear reader, you can see that at least I've been consistent all these years.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 2:45 AM
3 Comments:
LOL !!
online test...teh eval :). Don't do it !! No human has the time to fix all the things that they find wrong with us. By rights, we should be curled in a ball dribbling.
wait, that does sound like Saturday night at my house ;)
I am so proud of you for the ongoing weight loss, Nigel !
Heh-heh. I still can't wait for that beeyotch to see you looking spiffy and study and know she can't have you anymore !!!!
Revenge equals happiness. Yes it does.
I think of yeah, that too, occasionally. Anyone who is honest does. Life can suck.
Don't sweat it - you're actually normal. Its the happy smiling people we all should be very worried about.
Especially those with those evil, cheesy grins.
Congrats on the bit of weight loss. Gained 13lbs here after buying myself a home cappuccino machine and going bonkers on Almond Mocha Latte's all day long.
I'm not giving it up either.
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