Gettin' harder to find a decent drinking dive after work....
As a rule, I like to have four or five Captain Morgan and Tabs before I get back on the freeway and battle the boneheads driving home. There's my swiggin' sailor pal, the Captain, at left.But, twern't my day today: I found myself in a new, trendy place, which isn't my cup of tea at-bloody-all. My regular favorite kind of bar has toothless unshaven drunks heads-down on the counter by 4pm.
I made up my mind to grin and bear it, though, so I spent my time leering at the slash on offer as it wandered around the joint. Talent on parade but none for Nigel. Luckless (unusual for me!), I plonked down at the bar to settle in with a Balkan Sobranie. Damned if at that moment, I caught ear of the line being laid on by the male portion of the couple next to me. They were crowding me, goddammit, so it was impossible to miss, and Lothario was working Miss TightSkirt pretty frickin' hard:
Her: what's your favorite color?
Him: beautiful.
Her: beautiful's not a color.
Him: yes it is, it's the color of your eyes.
That did it. You've made a mess when you've laughed, right; you can relate. When my expensive double-rum libation came out of my nose it made a big old smelly splotch all over the guy's Men's Wearhouse blazer. Then he had the stones to complain to me! Complain! To me!
Magnolia fetus-eating candy ass slurp a warm bowl of wet-spot that he was, I told him off but good. He was a beaten little yuppie turd by the time the wrath of Nigel rained down on him (to say nothing of the rum raining down on him, too). And then, just for good measure and also because they looked so perky, I leaned in for a quick, tasteful, payback squeeze of Miss Garterbelts left booboola.
And you can bet that I told the manager as he escorted me out that I wouldn't be back, goddamm it, never once, that they'd lost me as a customer and I'd NEVER use my Discover Card in there ever again, never. And also, that they could buff my scrotum.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 8:08 PM
3 Comments:
Hey, you could always go here http://shapeofamother.blogspot.com/ for some hottie action - not sure that's what the website owner want's it for though.
Njoy
MMMM, them are some good photos.
No SHIT!! You liking the Laydeez.
Post a Comment
<< Home