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Dispute clouds Miss Universe Pageant result

Last night's Miss Universe Pageant victory for Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza, Miss Puerto Rico, has been sharply criticized by one of the other contestants. Sknvasv Vlknbdl, Miss Star System X-598, claims the results were unfair and that the pageant discriminates. She is threatening a lawsuit.

Miss Vlknbdl, pictured left, said: "This fucking thing is always the same. Always some twat from Earth. Never anyone else. The rest of us never have a chance. Why do they even call it "Miss Universe"? It's rigged, it's bullshit. This sucks Uranus dick."

The newly crowned Miss Universe responded to the complaints: "Jódale, extranjero, yo soy el ganador!" which translates loosely from Spanish into English as "Fuck you, alien, I'm the winner!" Pictured gesturing to Miss Vlknbd at right, a defiant Miss Mendoza added: "Usted lo puede atascar en uno de sus nueve hoyos de ano usted ramera. ¡Chupe en esto. ..you es mi ramera!" which translates loosely as: "You can stick it up one of your nine assholes, bitch. Suck on this....you're my bitch!"

Pageant officials had no comment.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 8:38 AM