Awww....(sniff)....I'm thankful.....really, I am....
I don't celebrate Thanksgiving. Despite this, co-workers are always on me: "Nigel, what are you thankful for?" The answer is: mostly being left alone and not having to answer your stupid questions, asshole. However, because I'm feeling almost altruistic today (an exceedingly rare occurrence), and in the spirit of the holiday, here's a loosely aggregated list of things I think are pretty good, and specifically why I'm thankful for them:- Music
- Lou Reed "Metal Machine Music". Loud incomprehensible dissonant cacophanistic discordance, designed to piss people off.
- Ornette Coleman. Atonal, non-melodic sax screeching, perfect when pulling up next to some gang-banging rap-listening bass-pounding pimped out noise wagon--pisses 'em off.
- Franz Liszt. Clears the bar at closing time, allowing "in the know" regulars some frigging peace and quiet after the hoi polloi have scarpered. Pisses people off.
- Lou Reed "Metal Machine Music". Loud incomprehensible dissonant cacophanistic discordance, designed to piss people off.
- Food
- Marmite. The meat extract from hell. Pisses everyone off, except Brits.
- Vegemite. The yeast extract from hell. Pisses Americans off.
- Boiled Okra. Disgusting, slimy gag-a-maggot Southern bullshit. Pisses ME off.
- Marmite. The meat extract from hell. Pisses everyone off, except Brits.
- Drink
- Bombay Sapphire. Floral death in a bottle. Pisses my doctor off.
- Sambuca Romana. Fermented Italian elderberries in a snifter (and to hell with the goddamm "lucky" coffee beans). Pisses my liver off.
- Johnnie Walker Blue Label. The most expensive hangover ever. Get pissed.
- Odds & Sods
- Airline Seat Belt Extenders. For fat disgusting ugly grotesque horrifying fucks like me. Pisses off the person I'm sitting next to.
- Fox and Friends Weekend. Hideous "news" show; one redeeming factor is Kiran Chetry resulting in regular Nigel Saturday morning lounge room wankathon. Pisses me off (because of the shame, the shame).
- You, you shlubbie you. Reading this drivel, wasting your time: doesn't it piss you off?
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 10:26 AM
3 Comments:
Dear Nigel,
Please may I be the 1st to correct you on one tiny thing.
Marmite is not a meat extract, like vegemite it is a yeast extract, and it may interest you to know it is sourced from the brewing trade - as a by-product.
It maybe that you are confusing it with 'Bovril' which IS a meat extract sort of thing.
As for the 'who it pisses off' thing, Marmite pisses a large percentage of Brits off too, as some people love it and some hate it.
Hence the use of the word to describe something that divides opinions strongly.
I hope I have been most instructive and have assisted you overall to maintain, what has become, a most informative and enjoyable site.
Excuse me while I go and fist myself for being so anal!!!
Well, now I'm bloody pissed off at me.
Marmite tastes like liver to me, hence my thinking relative to the meat portion of the extract.
Thanks for the correction and no offense taken, because as you well know I'm such a fucking reasonable person.
Thanks - ever tried a spoon of marmite stirred into hot water?
Yummy.
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