Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

Let's interview the idiots in line!

Tomorrow's the day when TV station News Directors send out their third string reporters to do stand-ups at 5am outside the local Crazy Mike's Furniture and Electronics store. Forced to interview the overweight unwashed whack jobs who camped out overnight in hopeful anticipation of early morning bargains, they ask these same dorky people the same dorky questions and get the same dorky answers every fricking year.

Just once, I'd like to see one of these blow-dried unfortunate reporters (you think they want to be out there at 5am interviewing mouth-breathing slagheaps who, because their IQ can be measured on the Richter scale, haven't yet figured out you can get what you want on the Internet cheaper and faster and with less hassle and no need to stand in line?)--just once, I'd like them to actually ask someone the question I've always wanted to know about these idiots, which is: "When are you going to do us all a gigantic favor and blow your head off with a shotgun?"

I'd tune in for that.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 7:21 PM