I.....love....Orlando (not really. Surprised?)
Today I head to Orlando. Lucky me. Orlando sucks.Orlando used to be a quiet little town. That is, until Uncle Walt started buying up land there 40 years ago. Things have changed.
Now what you've got is a charmless, congested city in the middle of Florida...with no redeeming features other than theme parks. It's like Tampa or Jacksonville, but not as nice, and without the beaches. But with lots of crime, mosquitos (Orange County, where it's located, was originally named Mosquito County), rainy muggy summer days, timeshare scams, traffic, and tourists. Plus the locals hate you, especially if you're a tourist at a theme park. Here's proof.
I wonder sometimes what impression is made on first-time visitors to the U.S from Europe--those who choose Orlando as their entry point. Their first sight leaving the airport will be the multi-lane strip-center-laden Semoran Boulevard. From there, they hit the toll roads. Then, they arrive at the dumpy Motel 6 on I-4 near Disney or Universal or Sea World or restaurants nearby (Medieval Times is a good example of maximum kitsch on a budget). At the parks, they pay their entry fee and stand....in....line, nearly forever, in 90 degree heat and near 100% humidity. They return to the place where they "left the light on for ya", exhausted, sweaty, worn out, winded. Sounds like me the last time I tried to have sex. Jeez.
It's no wonder Europeans think they're superior to America.
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 6:54 AM
5 Comments:
I've always wondered what Tokyo and Paris Disneyland are like...
Orlando sounds truly horrible - even if you're visiting the happiest place on earth !
Took my little neighbor boys to Medieval Times once with their grandparents - the kids loved it, but they were 11 and 12 at the time...
p.s. so what are you doing in Orlando ? And will you be there for your birthday ?
Loving Annie -- I'll be in Orlando doing 2 things--working with a client and then some research with a company that specializes in it. I won't be there for my b'day; am bailing outta there Thursday night to begin "celebrating".
Your earlier comment about if you were ever a partyer, you're busted, in terms of the face you've got when you're 50? Guess what side of the party/not party scale your li'l ol' Nigel falls on?
I look about 80.
btw, I've been to Tokyo, Paris, and Hong Kong Disney. They're all way smaller than Disney World.
The one cool thing about Disney World in Orlando is the tunnel system underneath. Which is actually at ground level--the park itself is "built up" 15 feet about ground level, though you don't notice it as you enter it. So while you're in the park, you're actually on the second story of a large maan-made two-story acreage. Wild. It's the only Disney park like it. I got to tour that last year and the best part was: it was air conditioned! So you can move from one part of the park to the other without sweating gallons of precious bodily fluids away....
Nigel,
Smart construction design on their part.
p.s. and I'm told I look 40. (I'll be 50 soon).
Hmmm, is there a Harold & Maude episode here in reverse ???
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