Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

Update from the death house

Everybody's sick here at the funeral home, but our owner, Mr. Wiges (at left, in his normal getup--this isn't a Halloween photo), is as usual 100% fit as a fiddle. This guy isn't human. He never, ever, ever gets sick. How this is possible, I dunno--could be from inhaling formaldehyde all these years?

This Wiges is a piece of work. He doesn't smile much. Plus, he looks exactly the way people think a funeral director should look--just like Lurch on the Addams family. But, he has a high squeeky voice and nervous tremors, so we try like hell to keep him away from grieving family members when they're visiting the home.

One other tidbit of news, this time sorta sad: Carmella in casket receiving got fired last month. They've replaced her with some guy, and more's the pity. Carmella and her thong provided me hours and hours of fantasy hand party entertainment, and now she's....gone. *sniff*

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 7:30 AM