Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

Unwanted Foreigners....

One of my all-time favorite authors is P.J. O'Rourke, pictured at right. By God, is he funny. Perhaps his greatest achievement is the May 1976 edition of the National Lampoon (back when it was funny...) titled "Unwanted Foreigners", and in particular, the treatise "Foreigners Around The World". It's near impossible to find now except maybe on e-Bay, or you might try the link above for the torrent .pdf. It's well worth searching out.

In "Foreigners Around The World", O'Rourke took on...well...everyone. Each highlighted nationality and/or racial group received a full page of vitriol. Guaranteed to make you pee your pants laughing. Here is one example, lifted directly from the magazine:

Germans

Racial Characteristics: Piggish-looking, sadomasochistic automatons whose only known forms of relaxation are swilling watery beer from vast tubs and singing the idiotically repetitive verses of their porcine folk tunes-both of which amusements probably harken back to a pre-human state. Germans have never successfully been Christianized. Their language lacks any semblance of civilized speech. Their usual diet consists almost wholly of old cabbage and sections of animal intestines filled with blood and gore. Once every two or three decades, they set forth, lemming-like, on pointless military adventures during which great numbers of them are slaughtered-much to the improvement of the world in general. Their lardy women have long, tangled masses of sticky hair under their arms, and the men shave the sides of their heads.

Good points: They kill a lot of French.

Proper Forms Of Address: Kraut, Hun, Heiny, Spike-head, Sausage breath.

Is that great or what? You can imagine what he has to say about Africans, Arabs, Israelis...the list goes on and on. Funny, funny stuff, and not for those easily offended. Which of course, you aren't--right?

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 6:09 AM