Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Animal trivia

Commenter Seeeeeeeeeee? is bugging me for animal trivia. Here goes, complete with requisite cynical, snotty commentary from yours truly (btw, all the trivia cited here is true and documented):

POLAR BEARS are the only mammal with hair on the soles of their feet. It helps them to get a good grip on icy surfaces, and also acts as a heat insulator. Nigel comment: the reason given is crap. The real reason is, the bears wank themselves with their feet. Thus, the hair.

The left leg of a CHICKEN is tenderer than the right one, which it uses most, therefore increasing muscle development. Nigel comment: sorta along the same lines as our first trivia thing. By this definition, my left arm is way more tender than my right arm, which I also use the most--about three times a day, to be honest. Nudge nudge, wink wink.

ELEPHANTS have been found swimming miles from shore in the Indian Ocean. Nigel comment: it's also true that elephants are the only mammals that can't jump. Which is too bad, because if they can swim, but also could jump, that'd make for a helluva belly-flop competition in the backyard pool, eh?

When two DOGS approach each other, the dog which wags its tail very slowly - showing anger - is in charge. Nigel comment: I've had this happen to me in bars. I only get the ugly chicks hitting on me, and one time, two were doing it at once...the resulting catfight was hell to behold.

MICE are highly promiscuous and need particularly large testes to keep up with demand. Nigel comment: imagine the pick up lines. "Hey, Minnie, come over to my place and I'll show you my cheese collection."

HONEYBEES have hairs on their eyes to help them collect pollen. Nigel comment: again, like our first trivia entry, the reason given is pure bullshit. The real reason, of course, is that honeybees watch way too much porn. It's the same result as the wanking polar bears.

More human deaths have been attributed to FLEAS than all the wars ever fought. Nigel comment (sorta obscure, I admit): this is why I don't own any Red Hot Chili Peppers records.

That's it, school's out, time for recess!

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 7:12 AM