Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

Louisville is horse country!

Today I'm off to Louisville, Kentucky, home of the mint julep, Churchill Downs, and a certain aunt of my brother's ex-wife...but that's another story for another time (damn...'twas fun!)

Many people don't know that Louisville is the birthplace of strangles. Really, there's nothing fun about having a horse with depression, which is a common symptom...they can't eat, sleep, or enjoy day-to-day activities like being with their family or leisure pursuits like bowling, picnics, or watching TV. They even lose interest in horse sex. At right, an example: the horse has fallen asleep apres la.

Also common over the last 15 years: horses with ADD. Or, ADHD (where the "H" stands for "Horse"). A horse with ADHD has a hard time concentrating on its schoolwork, and may be disruptive in class. Prior to recent enlightenment about equine mental health, horses exhibiting these symptoms were labeled as "troublemakers" or "incorrigible" and were often sent away to military school where attempts were made to whip them into shape. Thankfully, the field of horse psychiatry has come a long way, and typical treatment now involves the suffering horse taking a boat-load of prescription drugs until they are stupified beyond recognition.

Louisville is also the home of Elmer's Glue. Horses who don't "get right" are often threatened by their mothers with this little nugget of knowledge: young horsey misbehaves, and mama weighs in, neighing: "if you don't start behaving yourself, it's medical experiments at Elmer's for you, and don't think we won't do it! Just wait till your father comes home from the track!!!"

The plane leaves later today. Saddle 'em up!

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 6:57 AM