Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

I smell old people

Tonight I, along with my son, had dinner with my mother and her husband at the old folks home where they're currently....existing.

While this place is a step up from most elder warehouses, I've gotta say that apparently there's just only so much the maintenance people can do. It's difficult to describe the sensations experienced whilst munching on cold swordfish salad and being simultenously assaulted with the odor of wee wee plus that "grandma smell"...know that smell? I'm not referring to dear ol' mom, here; she's pretty bloody fastidious about body reek and if anything overdoes it with the Chanel # 753. No, it was the overall aroma of the place. It's tough to enjoy dinner with urine ammonia/old lady bloomers stench wafting through the bistro.

Combine this with the least attentive wait staff in the history of the universe, and you've got a recipe for "well, we've really enjoyed the last 15 minutes, but sorry we have to go now." The wait staff is 100% exclusively surly youngsters who must not have the social skills to get a wait job in a restaurant where developing a clientele is important...a place where you're trying to build up a group of regulars who ask for you when they enter the front door. Since the only thing these shitstains can count on is that the rich old people in this place are a) captive b) immobile for the most part c) toothless d) will likely die soon, there's not much in the way of working hard for tips that seems to matter. And it's reflected in the service one receives.

For dessert, I requested one of those blue urinal cakes, covered in chocolate. I figured, let's have something to help get rid of the stink. Plus I've tried them before, and they're oh so minty.

Above left, two participants in the home's "Mercy Killing Mondays!" event, held weekly in the parking lot (golf cart transportation provided but you gotta sign up the week before at the activities desk, goddammit).

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 10:07 PM