Sex in public backfires on your Nigel
Bulgaria is where the action is. That is, if you stay at the Park Royal Hotel in the city of Elenite. There's a hysterical story in the London Daily Mail today, about a couple vacationing there who put up with a gun battle between hotel staff and guests--escaping that, they ran to the lobby, where there in full view of everyone, a porn movie was being filmed. According to the complaining vacationers, there were two women and one man "going at it", right there in public, cameras rolling.I've seen some whacky shit on vacation over the years, but that would pretty much take the cake.
And the public sex thing can get a bit dicey.
Many years ago, when I was still sexually active, and also btw a complete horndog, I was, um, busy with a young lady I'd just met. We were getting up close and personal in the back seat of my Oldsmobile Delta 88 while it was parked in a shopping mall lot. This is late night, see, and undoubtedly the rocking up and down, steamy windows, combined with the fact that it was the only car in the lot at 4am-- well, suffice it to say that the action drew the attention of the mall security people.
So there's your Nigel, a-bangin' away, when comes banging on the window the security guy's flashlight. It wasn't enough that he caught us--no--he made me and my girl stand outside the car, au naturele, while he debated calling the real cops. While he was debating, he was a) laughing at my little Percy and b) seriously ogling what my girl had to offer, if you know what I mean. But I took no shit off of this Barney Fife wannabe, believe me; I asked him if he was proud of himself for checking her out that way and also if he was proud of his high level pretend cop job. He got pissed, told me that this was just an interim job for him, that he was a college graduate. even! And I was like, college graduate, huh? Which one--clown, or barber?Under the circumstances it was a good thing, I guess, that we escaped with a just warning, minus our dignity. The girl never spoke to me again after that episode, but ended up marrying some goddamm NFL player, divorced him, and is worth a few million bucks now.
Lesson learned: avoid the public sex, I say! Avoid it!
posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 11:21 AM
7 Comments:
Oh, for the good old days of being agile enough to have sex in a car :)
"a'bangin' away". wow, Nigel. you are such a classy guy. hehe. :)
Classic story indeed!! I had a similar thing happen to me many moons ago. "moon" being the opperative word here seeing that my dear lovah completely had his bare ass exposed in the window when the cop shined a flashlight on it!! haha!
hope you had yourself a marvelous weekend. i just got back from the Kroger where i spent a very long time in a very long and annoying check out line. Thank god for friends that keep you occupied on the phone while you contemplate tearing up the coupons from the annoying old lady in front of you!i swear had it not been for the soothing sound of my dear pal's voice i woulda bitch slapped her right then and there, Nigel!!
annie--yes, i used to be able to be supple, though as a guy in that position, all you really, really need to do is pump--sounds disgusting but it's true...
katie--i hat kroger. publix is where it's at, baby, and you should learn that. there are fewer welfare receiving retards in the publix line than what you find in the kroger line. irrespective, i'm glad someone could keep you engaged throughout the entire sad process, on the phone. good for him/her.
just don't have sex in the Publix :)
ah Nigel, I always lok forward to reading your blog...always come away with a smile on my face ;)
haven't had sex in a car in a long time...I sure hope I'm still bendy enough !
How does one "hat" kroger exactly? hehe. :) Oh, Miss Katie could not resist!! As a professional educator it is her duty to point out these grammatical errors, my dear Nigel!Her duty,I say!! :)
Not only do I hat kroger, I hat the Varsity, which for the uninitiated is a grease palace serving alleged "food" here in Atlanta...it's the world's largest drive in food place. For me, it's the world's largest "drive right by without stopping" food place. Yes, I hat the Varsity too...
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