Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

Angry airline passengers can buff my scrotum

As you know, I've been on lots of planes lately, flitting about the country like a degenerate moth. But a degenerate moth that keeps them there flight attendants hopping, running up and down the aisle between my seat and the galley, sloshing their way towards me with those yummy double screwdrivers. There's something about washing down bags of airline peanuts with plastic cups full of Smirnoff and Minute Maid, something...magical. But I digress.

Comes now two stories from the wonderful world of aviation:

1. A Jet Blue pilot forces a passenger to sit on the toilet for three hours while flying cross country;
2. A Southwest Airlines passenger refuses to stop talking on his mobile phone while in flight and is arrested upon landing.

The first story is ludicrous on its face. Not the story, but what the pilot did. Read the details to see. The second story pisses me off. Not the story, but the pud-knocking slagheap twatface guy who wouldn't shut his cell phone off. He kept telling the flight attendants to kiss his ass -- so the police met him upon landing and took him to jail, where his ass will get much more attention than what would have been provided by a pair of flight attendant lips.

Apparently, and like about 95% of the rest of the goddamm population, this batfart believes the rules just don't apply to him. Because, after all, he's special, a man of industry who's got big things to do and important people to see! The world is full of these douchebags; you see them everywhere.

They can join the millions out there to whom I say: buff my scrotum. But please, not in jail (*shudder*), like Mr. All Important Businessman on Southwest Airlines. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 7:22 AM